Happy Birthday to me! :D

Yesterday was my 27th birthday! WaHOO! It was super-awesome, too. It started out with me waking up at 4am after having a dream about my grandmother Francis, who was an artist, and then spending about half an hour drawing a picture in real life of the picture she had shown me in my dream! With pretty awesome success, I may add! I've never done that before with pictures, but I've woken up at 2am to write down lyrics to songs I'm working on, and I've always adored what I come up with that way. Anyhow, I took this picture as a gift from my grandma, who has passed, and I am thrilled to continue working on touching it up and adding color and then putting it in the Kitty Island souvenirs for the wedding, so keep an eye out for that coming up soon! (By soon, I mean in the next several weeks... :} )

I had a total blast at work, too. I got this sweet card that was signed by just about everyone in the office (my boss picked it out, and it's adorable), and my friend, Temple, took me out to lunch at Tako Grill (YUM) and gave me two side Harry Potter books ("Quidditch Through the Ages" and "Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them"), and then my boss got me TWO cakes (my stomach is hurting a little from yesterday... :o ) and was just so happy to make me happy. It was really, really sweet. She even made Temple and Erica serenade me before we ate the cakes together with the rest of my co-workers. :)

The rest of the day was really good too. There was some nice, kharmic comeuppance that I got to observe (at long last!), and by the time I was on my way home, I was just plain giddy. Oh, and did I mention all of my very sweet friends giving me well-wishes on the Kitty Island forum? :) Thanks, guys!

When I got home, I got so spoiled! I can't even go over the list of things that Jesse and my family and his parents did to celebrate my day in total because there's just so much. To make things all easier, the assignment that I had been working on (it was challenging, but I was kicking its butt, I was!) was determined too difficult by a collection of professors at Argosy, so they extended the due date until Monday, so I was able to actually enjoy my toys yesterday and look at things with a relaxed mind instead of rushing to get the assignment done to turn it in this morning. And, yay! I got to talk to Dadoo and Valerie, which was awesome! It's nice to get in touch and catch up on things! It's a luxury I don't have often because with studying and work, I'm pretty swamped, and my parents are busy themselves! The conversation we had was so fun and happy that I think I liked it better than my gifts, truly. :) Nothing is better than that happy, bubbly, loving feeling you get from people who really care about you. =^--^=

So, yeah! I wanted to share my happy! :) And, it's not even over yet! :O Tomorrow, I'm going out to get my nails done with Anna and Kyriel, and after Kyriel and I have plans for watching Gilmore Girls, eating ice cream (which I get for free as the b-day girl!) and pizza! Wahoo!! GIRL time! :D

And you know what? I won't even be sad when this is all over. I feel like this is just the stage setting for what an amazing year this is going to be. I'm going to enjoy it to the fullest! FTW!!!1!!

Anyway, I'm going to get back to work now. Studying waits for no one, especially when you have to read three chapters in a week on top of doing assignments. :} Thank you, to everyone who helped make my day brighter! =^--^= You guys rock!

Updates! Random Topics!

So much has gone on since my last blog. I don't even remember my last blog.

I had my first real nightmare about things going wrong with the wedding. Despite what most people think, I'm not truly worried about other people screwing up the wedding. I'm pretty sure that Jesse and I are the only ones who can do that, either by not being prepared or by being moody, which would just be a silly thing to do on such a happy day. I'll never figure out why people expect me to get mad at them all the time. Probably something to do with second-order realities mis-matching. :}

I survived my horrible Statistics class with the worst professor I've ever had to date (there's really only two others that I didn't like in my college life, which isn't too bad really), and I managed to get an A- despite her inability to teach! So, HA!! I WIN! 3.93 in Statistics isn't bad when you're teaching yourself everything. I'm very proud of that. That's also my lowest grade thus far, so SNAP! I'm feeling pretty good about school again (Statistics really had me down there for a while).

Now, I'm taking Physiological Psychology, which is exciting! My professor called me yesterday and when I told her how much I loved our text book, she was surprised and told me that most people hate physiological psychology. =^o0^= HUH?! WHY?!! It's so interesting!! Learning about the different parts of the body, what they do (or at least, the various theories for some parts), and how it impacts our behavior! That's important stuff! This isn't just learning about other people, it's learning about ourselves!! How can you not be interested in something that will teach you things you didn't know about yourself?! Baffling! Unthinkable! This class is my most exciting course to date. I can't wait to see what more I can take from it (I'm already almost a week ahead, because I was worried about the hurricane coming this weekend taking out our power).

The wedding stuff has been slow and hard to work on. We're getting down to the finite details now, and that requires time, which I didn't really have for the last several months. I'm behind in a few things, and apparently it's getting to me otherwise I wouldn't be having nightmares about it. But, Terinati's working weekends this month, which means I'll be less distracted during that time and probably get more done. Hooray? :} I'll miss my Sweetie, though.

Speaking of important people in my life, Kyriel successfully moved out here, lived with us a while, got a job, and moved out on her own to a most awesome basement in a most awesome place just a couple blocks down from some stables! I'm really proud of her, and I'm sure she's glad to have her own (sort of) place again. :) Having a full apartment made it seem like I was really busy all the time too. Not sure why, in retrospect. It's nice to live near her again, though. I had forgotten what it was like to have someone who knew my past as well as my present. It's kind of comforting, like having a living, breathing validation that all those things really did happen and aren't just imaginary lore.

As you can see, there have been tons of things on my mind. I can't even blog about just one thing today! But, I think life is good.

It's two weeks until my birthday, and I feel like I've grown so much in the past year. I'm really happy with my progress. It's something I definitely plan on celebrating. Parts of the last couple of years have been hard, especially realizing who my real friends are and learning to be happy that the ones who aren't real friends are gone. The harder part of that is realizing if they crawl whining back (like some of them have before) to not let them. Forgiveness is okay, and I do believe people can change (I've certainly changed a lot!), but I also know that those folks in particular have this view of me that is totally wrong (seems to be fear/paranoia-related, from what I can guess), and they throw it in my face as though it's fact (even though they have absolutely no support when I ask) when they don't get something they want out of me. And, I don't need that in my life. I don't need to be busting my butt to convince someone else that I am who I am! :} That's silly! So, a lot of emotional garbage (and physical garbage too!) has been removed from my life, and it's so peaceful now. Not to say there aren't hard things in life, 'cause there always is, but I feel like I'm more in balance with it. No more crap. It belongs to whomever creates it, now. As they say, "I don't have to take it." So, I won't. Ah, the gift of being able to let go. An important lesson that's taken way too long to learn.

So, that's that. I'll be my crazy self, continuing to worry about doing the right thing, being on time, and finishing stuff in such a way that it's efficient and appropriate for everyone. Wedding, school, work, and so on. I get this feeling that change will be coming my way soon, but I'm prepared to roll with whatever's gonna come. Hopefully nothing dreadful in the hurricane! I hope everyone has prepared out on the east coast! And now, I'm going to go home and daydream about relaxing, happy things! :) Take care, everyone!

Plagiarism

Yuck. It's been a long time since I've felt this violated.

School work is stressful, but so far in every class I've had with Argosy University, all of my studying during lunch at work and late hours double-checking my papers have paid off in the form of a steady 4.0 GPA. This last week I started Statistics, though, and I recognize my weakness there. Psychology seems to naturally sink in for me, but this is taking a little bit more work. I'll get it, though!

I turned in my latest assignment on Sunday evening to our Dropbox, and then I posted it online, early squirrely at 5:30am, when I woke up, because the professor notated that we could post the assignment for discussion any time after 5am ET. Booyah! Done! I was feeling really proud of myself.

I followed up during my lunch at work, trying to stay ahead with homework so that I could stay ahead with reading, responding to a classmate's post, and likewise when I got home and saw another post, I was excited! Another perspective to read, and another chance to learn and hopefully improve! Or, so I thought . . .

As I read along, I thought at first, Wow. This person thinks a lot like me! And then a few seconds later, OMG... This is the assignment I posted this morning!! The jerk had copy and pasted my assignment, moved some words around, and tried to claim it was his!! :O After all the warnings of what will happen the college gives, I couldn't believe it! And, to not even change the structure or anything! At first, I felt mad. I really wanted to punch this jerk in the face. I had already pinned him down as a liar from his first introductory post, but I thought I'd be okay just ignoring it. This, however, was unforgiveable! But, instead of following the angry instinct to post something really rude and inappropirate on the board, I first had Terinati check to make sure I wasn't crazy and then e-mailed the professor. Yay, me, for not acting like a total retard! :}

Unfortunately, that made me really stressed out about my work and I just had to step away from it for the evening rather than continue reading for the next module(week). I did sit and refresh over and over every twenty minutes to see if anyone who did their own work would post, but I didn't see anyone. :/ That also doesn't bode well. Maybe the rest of the class failed to read the instructions? :} I just felt so violated and awful . . . It made me think about people who are okay stealing music or anything really. That was the last time I felt this way, when someone stole some of mine. As a consequence, I never play music for people I don't trust anymore. :( Isn't that kind of sad?

So, yeah. Some people are jerks out there and maybe they're just getting their upcummence having their work stolen, but I really don't agree with this. People who go out and steal music that you could buy or take someone else's work and throw cares to the wind about giving them credit, today I pout at you from afar... 'cause... that's really all I can do. :} Seriously, though, I feel emotionally raped. I had considered the probability of something like this happening in the past. I mean, people have asked me to help them cheat before (which I heartily declined and then proceded to tell the teacher, quickly ending that "friendship." And no, I'm not ashamed of it, either! How dare she put me in that kind of position in the first place?!), so them cheating off of my work without my help is the logical next step. I know that I'm smart and people have often expressed enjoying reading my work, no matter what the class, so if I was some stupid idiot, I suppose I'd choose someone who is clearly smarter than me to be my target too. But, I had failed to mentally capture the disgusting feeling I would have. I feel sick to my stomach, and I didn't even do anything wrong!

To all those jerks out there who say, "What do you care? It's not like it hurts anybody," well . . . you're wrong. It does hurt. Of course, that just means there is fuel to the fire that will get you caught. So, there's my two cents on that topic. And now, I've got my eyes on you, creepy thieving students!! =^00^=

I SURVIVED!!!

I haven't posted a whole lot, but I've been pretty busy with my class. For a long time, I thought I'd be lucky if I got a high B, but to my surprise I logged in today to work on my next class and discovered that I got an A! A 4.0 for the session! Wahoo!! I'm really thrilled about that, because it's what I wanted, and I worked really hard. In fact, I've sort of forgotten what fun felt like until today at work, where there was a lot of celebrating for one of my co-worker's birthdays and general hanging out (I still got a lot done somehow). I lost a lot of time, had to set aside other goals, but it was totally worth it. More importantly, I learned a LOT about communicating, and my whole world-view has been changed by this course. It's exciting to see myself make progress, even though it's stressful too. So, hooray for me!

Meanwhile, Stardust was taken off her medicine (finally!!) and then put back on (darn it). She's been hacking up hairballs (weird?), but it could be her tummy too, which was swelling up, so she's back on the meds, and we managed to get more duck food (they had run out, so they don't know if taking her o ff the meds was the problem or if it was the food change). Stardust turned 5 on Sunday, and Monday was the 1-year anniversary of the arrival of Tatsu. It's pretty neat, because they get along so well now and we've all come a long way from a year ago!

The wedding plans are in progress, but seem to have slowed down now that we have the reception and ceremony location set. But, we still need someone to marry us and to book the caterer, and I'm waiting on swatches for the bridesmaid's clothes... whoo! It's a lot of stuff.

Hmm... Well, I guess that's all of the updates for now. To anyone who thinks they don't need it, I recommend taking an interpersonal communication course, or even just read the text book I had by Adler, Rosenfeld, & Proctor II (2007, 10th ed.). It is such a good text book, and I'm loving Argosy University btw.

Anyway, Stardust has come up to remind me that if I'm on the computer, I should be doing homework, so I'd better go. But, I survived the first round! Hopefully the second will be just as good. =^--^=

Size 6!

Saying that things have been stressful in the past couple of months would be an understatement. But, there are moments in life when you get to them and you stop, take a moment to breathe, and you realize, "Hey! All that hard stuff was really worth it!"

Even though online classes haven't been as flexible as I imagined them being, I'm still doing pretty good! And, I'm doing a little better about keeping in touch with my friends, which makes us all happier (I hope :} ). And, while it's been far down on my priority list (I'm not going to get an F in weddings if I procrastinate a little bit to get homework done), I've been making progress on the wedding!

The wedding really has been discouraging financially speaking, and has been the main stressor. Catering is just so costly! And, on Saturday, Illuminique, Anna and I went all the way to Baltimore to try and find this really pretty dress I had been wanting, only to find that the folks there were kind of snobby and did not carry that dress, even though they are the only vendor within driving distance that carries that designer's dresses. * sigh * Not only that, but the price tags.. were not pretty.

When we left, I felt kind of defeated. I wanted to spend more like $300 - $500 on a dress, at most, and here they were telling me dresses cost $2000 - $3000!! AHHH! Anna and Illuminque were both encouraging, and thank goodness otherwise I may have resolved to wearing a white garbage bag. :} I was sitting there, thinking, How can weddings cost so much? It was the first time in my entire life that I actually felt poor. That didn't really bother me so much. What got me was that I didn't want a fancy, posh wedding, but even the "average" wedding with homemade stuff in it seemed out of my reach. Looking stunning wasn't even a big deal to me either. I mean, I don't want to look like crap or anything, but Jesse's pretty familiar with my face. I don't think I need to convince him that I'm beautiful to get him to marry me. We're good. :} So, fancying myself up too much would just be . . . weird. So, I don't feel like my expectations are that high. I want things to run smoothly, look nice, and be fun. I even discarded the masquerade idea because it just seemed like too much work and conflicted with our Asian theme. WAHH! It shouldn't be this hard! <-- Whiny Jessica is pathetic and annoying. :}

Anna seemed sure that we should try David's Bridal, and she knew where it was. Most of the time, when I see David's Bridal dresses, I want to adjust them. :} So many are ugly, and the way models wear them tends to not be very flattering. But, I realized that they would be cheaper than other places, and always have things on sale (even though whenever they announce a sale, they make it sound like it's never happened before), so I was like, "Okay! We can do this!" And, I'm glad we did!

We had to wait for hours because we didn't have an appointment and we weren't allowed to try on dresses ourselves, and it was a Saturday, so it was busy. Eventually, though, I got to try on several dresses and it was . . . weird! These were dresses in my price range, that I actually liked the look of, and while I usually feel pretty modest about my appearance, when I tried them on and saw myself in the mirror, it was like it wasn't even the same girl. Most of my clothes are a little baggy, or too tight in places, but the dress I ultimately picked out fit me like a glove. Nothing has ever fit me that well! It was so pretty, and it was like how I wanted to grow up looking when I was a little girl. Now I know what it must feel like to be a princess for a day! My brain couldn't wrap around my reflection. I kept thinking, Is that really me? Illuminique and Anna were so awesome and patient throughout it all, too! They totally deserve an award! And, it was so much more fun with them! I'm glad I waited to not go alone. =^--^=

As I was standing there, feeling excited about the idea of making the transition from bride to wife, I also felt great. I've been struggling with my weight since the end of high school. I had gotten up to 180 pounds at my worst. Illuminique managed to guess my size accurately, but I couldn't believe it. I was a size 6?! Obviously, I was smaller when I was much younger, but this is a big deal for me. In fact, this year was the first time I got below 136 lbs., too, and it's sticking! I'm working pretty hard at it though as well. I've been working out (a little, anyway), and working hard to eat right! There were times when I felt like, Is this really making a difference? And then, being able to fit perfectly into that dress settled it for me. Even though being a size 6 doesn't really make up for everything, in a way it was symbolic of all the hard effort of the past couple of years. Finally, I had some tangible thing that shouted, "Hey! Life is pretty exciting right now!"

So, now I have this reminder every time that I open my closet that it's worth it. It makes me smile, every time. And, I can't wait until the wedding! Even Jesse seems a little more into it now, even though he can't see the dress (which is why I'm not posting it here; I'll e-mail the pics out once I have 'em in my computer and on the forum)! EEE! It was like a smack in the face. OMG! I'm really getting married! * girly squealiness! *

For now, though, it's back to the grind and having weird dreams about bridesmaid dresses and brains (Cashmiere Mafia + bridesmaid magazines = crazy Jessica dreams). I'm too happy to care about all of the hard work, though. I'm a fluffy, daydreamy bride, and it feels darn good!

Bridal Party and Groomsmen Party Announced!

When I got engaged, I was mistakenly under the impression that it would be easy to put together my bridal party. So, I got started right away . . . and then got stuck. I had to choose a Maid of Honor, and we hadn't decided on the size of the parties because Terinati wasn't sure who of his friends would even be able to come. One person, who was really important to me I couldn't even get a hold of, even after achieving the "impossible." Another person who I had been considering for Maid of Honor guilted me, when I had only barely gotten engaged and was already enough of a rut that I really didn't need that.

So, for a long time, I wracked my mind, and then kind of stepped back and away from it because it's a hard choice that affects my friends as much as it does me, in the end, and Terinati was very stressed out with his career change and needed me more.

Then, I realized it was almost time to book places, because they'll disappear quick out here, and I still hadn't figured out a party. In fact, we hadn't really decided solidly on anything. People need to know if they're needed ahead of time, so they can plan financially. I'm not stupid; most of my friends are just as poor, if not more so, than I am. And, I felt bad because it seemed like everyone had too much going on in their lives for me to even ask them to be my bridesmaids, let alone my Maid of Honor. Children to take care of for some, deaths in the family for others, and horrible crushing relationships . . . discovering the truth about life, career changes . . .

It hit me. What if the friends I had picked out already didn't really want to be bridesmaids because they had too much going on already? It would be okay with me if that were the case, but I doubted they would admit it for fear of being a "bad friend." I wouldn't have thought that. I mean, knowing that you aren't strong enough to be what someone needs when they need them and falling back is one of the most giving things a person can do. But, I knew no one would do it. All my friends are either too nice, or care too much about what I think of them.

The others who I hadn't asked . . . I wasn't sure how much they actually cared about what Terinati's and my dreams were, and perhaps one of our only chances to make them come true, even if only briefly and share that love with all of our friends and family the way we always wanted . . . or if they only cared about having a "Dreamsenshi's Best Friends Photo Op" in my wedding, which it isn't to me at all. :/ Being a bridesmaid or a groomsman takes understanding and patience, especially when the bride and groom are weird people like us. And, the inconvenience of us being so far apart makes the duties thrice as hectic. I needed to know how people felt, but I knew if I asked straight out, I'd get a lie. People, with their good intentions, tend to say what they think I want to hear. Darn it.

So, how to solve a problem like that? Do something outrageous! Get people's emotions boiling! That's how you get the truth out of people. That's right. The quiz was a ruse, and it worked! Granted, being stressed out certainly did help. HAHAHAHA! :/ But, I apologize. Yep, your scores mean absolutely nothing (sorry, Pandamo; good job, though! I'm VERY impressed that you got 16 out of 20! and JesMD! Geez! 19 out of 20, just guessing based on years ago!). What kind of person would I be if I cared how much you could remember? Honestly, I can't remember everything. That's why I have a giant notebook I refer to for my wedding, with my efficient little checklists and pictures and graphs (yes, graphs; I am a Virgo, after all). I mean, that wouldn't be fair.

I thought I would have to do more to get a true answer, but as it turns out, girls are really emotional. I guess I forgot, hanging around Terinati and his friends all the time. And, I got the responses I was looking for right away. I found out who cares, even if they aren't immediately available, and who are opportunists. But, even more, I rediscovered all of my friends. That was kind of shocking!

I didn't think so many people would want to be bridesmaids, either. I mean, I kept everyone in the know about the quiz, but I was surprised when Anna even applied. I didn't think she'd want to get tied up into something that, on the surface, looks insane. As she put it, "That's not how I would have done it." Well, no one would. Bravo for the guts to say it to my face without saying it in a mean way. Also, kudos to Anna for being able to follow instructions. :} She was the only person who sent me a print screen, but I think most people used the link from the main site, not my blog, so what can you do? I should have thought that out a little better, perhaps. Lesson learned about giving instructions; make sure all sources lead to the instructions first, then the task. :}

And, during all this time, I revisited in my mind our pasts, in regards to Terinati's and my relationship. I even went into my fire safe and found something horribly precious that Pandamo and Jenesis and I did together, before we split up to go our various ways; we had each taken the time to write a page of good things we thought about each other. I'm still amused that my hair was on everyone's list. :}

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I didn't want to exclude anyone who wanted to be included on my special day, because you are all my friends for important reasons, and the fact that you wanted to contribute in some way to my life shows at least a little bit of love, even if a bit diluted by CRAZY/B****. However, I also did see much more clearly the people who really saw and have always seen Terinati and I for who we really are, and that weighed heavily in our choice (that's right; Terinati helped me decide, even though it wasn't a lot of help). And, the real reason the time line was so long was because I wanted to be sure everyone had time to respond and I had time to make sure I wasn't making bad choices that would hurt someone's feelings or be unfair to myself.

So, now that I know you're all dying to know what we decided, I want to state some things straight up. Not everyone can be the Maid of Honor, and I wasn't about to have multiple Maids of Honor. I mean, hello? 2 people won't make the rest feel less left out. 1 is enough. :b Also, the groomsmen party ended up being decided as 1 best man, 3 groomsmen, which meant I had to balance my side to match that. I had been thinking our group would be even smaller than that, and was worried, so this worked out pretty well (if everyone can make it, anyway). So, as you can see, not everyone can be a bridesmaid who wants to be. But, just because you don't have the title doesn't make you less important to me. :b So, I don't want anyone to end reading this blog going, "Oh, Dreamsenshi doesn't love me as much as 'so-and-so', because I'm not the Maid of Honor/Bridesmaid." That's not true. We're just not rich and made up of an endless bounty of friends to balance the sides. It's a wedding, which is a measurement of Terinati's and my love for each other, not the measure of the love for my friends. :/ So, no more beating yourselves up! It's silly! I don't want that, and you shouldn't put yourselves through it. If I'm still your friend after all this time, then you should know you're important to me, because the one thing that has always been true about me is that the moment I think someone is bad for me, I cut them out of my life completely. No looking back, no regrets. That is, unless they do something to redeem themselves. So, if you're still in my life, then I've accepted you already with all of your quirks and imperfections. Feel loved, damn it. :} * hugs all around *

Okay. Everyone ready? Quick! Like a bandaid!! RIP IT OFF!! (er, scroll down really fast, but don't miss the surprises at the end!)

Maid of Honor - Kyriel, AKA Sarah H.

I chose Kyriel to be my Maid of Honor for several reasons, none of which were responsibilities because she doesn't want them. :} heh. I was pleasantly surprised when she took the quiz, and suspect somewhere deep down she does want the role, but doesn't want me to have any crude notions of her being awesome at the role. Being mature enough to admit that up front though really just made me feel more sure.

Kyriel introduced me to Terinati, after having role-played with him online first. Without her, I probably would have never met him (I believe it was fate, but she was fate's conduit, and that's a pretty special role to play in someone's life; I hope I've now finally been able to return the favor for her, though only time will tell). She supported me through my parents' divorce, and helped me steal the key back to our house from Diane so that she would stop stealing things that weren't hers. After years of not even being in touch, she produced a gift that still fills me with awe. Sure, it's just a little DVD, but she may be one of the only people who took my childhood love for this musical seriously. The fact that she went to the trouble of searching for it, without my even asking . . . wow. She was also the only person on my 16th birthday party who actually cared about the plans I had made that went down the drain that night because everyone was more concerned about doing nice things to prove they loved me than what I actually wanted. I do appreciate the good intentions of my friends, but the fact that she was the only one who was there with me throughout the whole night and understood my feelings . . . Time and time again, Kyriel really was there for me and Terinati both, and we never left on bad terms or had glaring, immature fights. She's by far the most genius of all of my friends . . . But ultimately, her detachment from drama and understanding and support, even pushing us together before it was too late for us, because Terinati and I would have never confessed our love for each other and burdened the other with it without knowing how the other felt . . . She's the reason why we're here today. I can't think of anyone more appropriate, because her role in our lives were so critical to the day we're preparing for.

Also, she is moving here soon, which will make it easier to work together! Hopefully, we wont' get in some ridiculous fight while she's living with us and want to kill each other and ruin all of this. :} heh. ;)

Anyway, I'm not sure what your duties will be yet . . . probably research, at most, 'cause you're awesome at it (if you'll accept it), but mostly you'll be working most closely with the next person, below! I will be adding your rights on the forums immediately after putting up this post, so please check out the Bridesmaids forums right away as there are already threads. Also, choose a picture of you that I can use for the main wedding site linked from the Kitty Island main page. :)

Bridesmaid 1 - Pandamo, aka Amanda

For a long time, I had been torn. Pandamo had made me her Maid of Honor, which was a true honor. She knows me very well, and was so supportive of our love. She didn't judge me at all for having a long-distance relationship, and never had a bad word to say about Terinati . . . even when she probably could have said something legitimate without upsetting me that one time . . . :o She came out to visit us in Green Bay, and really, I think she understands me very well too, but somehow in a feminine and delicate way. We shared so much of our dreams together. Pandamo, even though you are a Bridesmaid and not the Maid of Honor, I'm counting on you to help Kyriel out! You have the organization and skill, and experience to know what goes into these things, and you totally get my taste and understand better than anyone how to be frugal. WE NEED THAT! But, Kyriel is a wiz online, so I think the two of you together will be an awesome team. ;) Counting on you!

So, your duties include helping in organizing the event, because I know you're awesome at that. =^--^= I will give you Bridesmaids rights on the forum after this post. Let me know if you want a more current picture to add to the website!

Bridesmaid 2 - Jenesis, AKA Jenne

Good grief, girl! Don't you feel silly for freaking out? To be honest, you do worry me... what with disappearing to go and hang out with a guy on your way out to Pandamo's wedding instead of going to my apartment, that I spent so much time cleaning for you... :} And getting drunk so soon after surgery.... :} WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? But, then, I remember who was the first person outside of Kyriel that I told about Terinati, and then I remember the person who helped us start our pen pal thing. First, she wrote to him so that I could piggy-back her letters, and then eventually she peetered out until it was just Terinati and I talking. If it wasn't for you, Terinati may not have gotten to know me better, and who knows where we'd be?

As for your duties... well, what can I trust you with, Jenesis?! :} LOL. Ah, but I love you anyway. You're in charge of fun. I think you can handle that. But... no... male ... body parts (or "nasty bits," as Kyriel calls them). :b I was so revolted when I found out what girls do for their bachelorette parties. I must emphasize to you, NO MALE BODY PARTS at the bachelorette party, real or imaginary. :} Icky. Actually, I already have fun plans for the bachelorette party, but wouldn't mind them being added upon. Jenesis was always my go-to girl for having a laugh. Straight up!

Register at the forum, and I will give you bridesmaids rights. Let me know if you want a more current picture on the main website. :)

Bridesmaid 3 - Illuminique AKA Carrie

That's right. I kept the bridesmaids I chose initially. I chose Carrie because she is soft-spoken, but just as driven as I am (probably more so, to be honest). She works hard, and is CRAFTY. She can visualize what she wants, and puts it into reality like a magician. It truly is incredible, and I feel so fortunate to know her. For another thing, she's physically here, and that's a huge plus, even with her being as busy as she is. But really, I trust her to be honest, and because of her unique perspectives, I know she'll see things my other friends and myself won't see, and come up with great ideas. She's shown she really cares what happens to Terinati and I in our wedding, and is so supportive and not weirded out by our love of sushi. neh! :) Most of all, Carrie is really low-maintenance. I think she will be good to work with Jenesis on the fun stuff, because Carrie will know what things will make me too uncomfortable, but despite her quiet demeanor, knows how to have a good time herself. ;) And, because she is local, she'll have a better idea of what things are possible here, since it's a very different environment and atmosphere from Kennewick.

Register on the forum and I'll give you access to the Bridesmaids forums. Also... dude... give me a picture for the website! I'm using your prom photo right now. :} I've SEEN lovely pictures of you!! I know they exist! :}

And, because I didn't want to leave others out . . . I went to the trouble of creating roles to include you! Some people will think I'm crazy after all the trouble I went to find out what I did, but I feel better about handling this this way. I still wasn't able to get everyone, though. :/

SO!

Flower Girl - Anna

It would be weird to have you as a bridesmaid, since I haven't known you that long, but I feel like we are becoming closer and that you are another practical, level-headed, non-dramatic person who really cares and constantly asks how the wedding is going. Since I don't want children at the ceremony, I had to toss out all ideas of using other people's children as the flower girl and ring bearer. It would leave others asking themselves, "Does someone think we can't handle our kids?" Nope. Not having any of that. Silly, paranoid humans. So, Terinati and I decided on an adult flower girl and ring bearer. Can you guess who the ring bearer is? I bet you can. Anna, you are in charge of flowers. Not shocking, right? ;) Register on the forum and I'll give you access to the bridesmaids forums, since you'll be coordinating with the rest of us. Oh, and e-mail me a pic I can add to the website! You may be the only one of us dressed differently, but I haven't worked that all out yet...

Last, but definitely not least...

Samurai-ko Usher - Rainshine, AKA Athena

First of all, I needed someone to be in charge of music, which we're not doing live (that is, unless Ace of Base comes to the US and decides that I'm their best friend and just MUST perform live for our wedding, or unless Terinati's father can get the Sparkplugz all the way out here, 'cause we're having the wedding locally), and you are the only person I trust with music. But, of course, the person in charge of music can't be in the party walking down the isle, because she needs to be up front already. We've worked on music our whole lives together, and I know that you'll understand what I want if I explain adequately enough ahead of time. Also, it seems handy to have someone who will be able to run things back and forth between the groom and the bride, and I trust you to be able to do that on our special day with Anna while the other bridesmaids stick by me, where I can keep an eye on them... ;)

Also, I have had nightmares about Diane or other uninvited scary people showing up at the wedding . . . and I realized that no matter who Terinati's usher is, they'd have no idea what those people look like. You do. I'm counting on you to keep out the riff-raff. That means you'll be working closely with Terinati's chosen usher...

Anyway, you of all people know how critical music is to me, and since I'm working on writing some of it myself, you can only imagine . . . I know how badly you wanted to be a bridesmaid, but I hope you understand my reasoning. I want to put people where their talents and emotions are. =^--^=

So, I will be giving you access to the bridesmaid forum as well, and you can contribute there as well. :) Send me a photo!! =^--^=

So, written below are Terinati's choices, since not everyone has access to his blog (this is just copied from his blog):

* * * * * * * * * *

Best Man - Matt Babiash
Not a big surprise; he's been my best friend since like 8th grade. Matt and I have our differences, but there are very few people in this world who conduct themselves according to a code of honor so similar to my own. And besides that, he's like the only person capable of presenting me a consistent challenge in Bushido Blade.

Groomsman #1 - Clayton Jones
My big brother. The only reason he's number one and not number two is because he's older. And the only reason he's not best man is because I have two brothers and can only have one best man. People used to mistake me for him once he moved out of Green Bay... mostly stoners he knew in high school - who were still stoned - but I took it as a compliment. I always enjoy the perspective he injects into our conversations; he's always full of surprises.

Groomsman #2 - Zach Jones
My OTHER big brother. Also doesn't get to be the best man, unless one of them dies in some kind of terrible accident..... I've been pleasantly surprised to find out in the last year that Zach and I have a lot more in common than I thought, and have even had similar strange Nietzschean adventures in the recent past. It's been such a relief to know I'm not the only one.

Groomsman #3 - Miguel Hermann
Few of my friends here in the Beltway Region have stuck so well as Miguel; likely because we have so much in common ... who else can I talk endlessly about video games with? One thing I like about Miguel is that he's so mellow and low-key . . . if the oceans were to burst into flames and the atmosphere was to fill up with chlorine gas, slowly so as not to kill us all immediately but rather to drag out our agonizing deaths in horrible perpetuity, I would go hang out with Miguel - because I could count on him to not be freaking out like some kind of drama queen.

Ring Bearer - Adam Mills-Campisi
We wanna have a ring bearer, but we don't want any small children at our wedding. Because, well . . . it should be conducted with dignity. And we considered for a short while attempting to train (or coerce) the cats into being a ring bearer/flower girl duo, but quickly decided that that was both a pipe dream and perhaps a little too kitchy. So we're gonna have our good friends do the job. Adam has also been a solid friend here in my East Coast life, despite the fact that his first thing to tell me when we met was that he thought I was fat and should go on a diet. He may be socially inept but he's a gentleman and a . . . well, he's a scholar, anyway. And I appreciate that about him. And trust him to carry a very expensive ring for me... and cast it into MOUNT DOOM!.... I mean my hand. During the ceremony. Also, since he's a black belt he'll surely be able to fight off all the Ring Wraiths and other Agents of Sauron.

Samurai Usher - Michael Lerch
Mikey has been, like Matt, my best friend since like 8th grade. I'm lucky to have so many best friends. We usually only chat nowadays when he's at work, but he's still as awesome as he was when we used to hang out every day after school. Assuming he hasn't moved to Europe by the wedding time (or can make it across the Pond to get to the ceremony), he gets the honor of, umm.... ushing at the wedding. I guess it's sort of like being a bouncer, except there will be no velvet ropes. But there will most certainly be a list.

* * * * * * * * * *

Don't forget to register at the forum!! That includes parental units, too! ;)

Whew. That all being said . . . Happy New Year! =^--^=

. . . Huh? Oh. I see Terinati is posting about his year... err.. I guess I could do the same, to lighten the mood a little, but I can guarantee the writing won't be as good as his. I'll try, therefore, to keep it brief.
The year started with waiting for the right moment to announce that I was engaged, and then starting planning, and then being overwhelmed with Terinati's career. Overall, it's been an exciting year, full of changes. We got a car, a new kitty, a new website, and rekindled many friendships. :) It's been a stressful year for most of us, though, and I'm hoping that the next year will be a little more smooth. :} Even though I'm going to college, working full time, planning a wedding, and have many other ambitious things I wish to do besides (learning Japanese, playing with the kitties, watching Fraggle Rock and Gilmore Girls, helping Kyriel with her move, etc.). Looking back, it feels like it's been several years, really. So much has happened! There could be a lot of residual mind garbage, but like the clutter of the apartment, I am happy to recycle all of that and start fresh, excited. I mean, I know in my head that it really isn't fresh and new, but it feels fresh, new, and shiny, full of opportunity, especially when I share it with the people I love. I have friends to be excited for, like for Eileen, for Kyriel and Miguel, and for all that Terinati's learned in the past year, which I am certain will mean once he finds his place, he'll be so much happier than he has been. =^--^= It's a year of adventure and opportunity! And, I don't feel as alone as I did a year ago. :) That's thanks to all of you. So, thank you!! * HUGS *

Okay... time to whip out the sake and count down before I get all teary-eyed! Less than an hour left! Best wishes, everyone! :)

Aloha,
Dreamsenshi

Merry Christmas!

So, here's a video of us (mostly the kitties) enjoying Christmas gifts and sharing in general holiday joy. :) Hope you like it!

Going back to School!

"Dear Jessica ,
Congratulations! On behalf of the faculty and administration of Argosy University Online Programs, it is my pleasure to inform you that you have been accepted into the Psychology - Bachelor , program at Argosy University Online Programs. Please consider this your official notification of acceptance, contingent upon your completion of any outstanding requirements."

HOORAY! I've been dying to blog and tell everyone, "Hey, I'm applying for college. Check it out!" But, then I was like, "Mm.. It's the holidays, so much going on," and "What if I don't get in? Then I'll feel stupid for having said anything." Of course, there's still the, "EEK! I hope we're right about our finances, but I think that we are!" The future looks bright. Finally, a bachelor's degree! I know, for a long time I wanted to work in Japanese, but I just can't see that beyond my personal enjoyment. This, though, has been something I have wanted since I attended CBC, and my passion for it has only grown over the years. Heck, even my RPGs play into this a million-fold!

So, there's the good news! The challenging (I don't consider it "bad") news is that I'm planning for a wedding, going to college, working full time, and ... whew! That's a lot of stuff, ne? Wish us luck!

WAHOO! A new phase of life begins! I'm ready, challenging new stuff! * dances to the Kitty N song *

Stardust's Medication and Recovery?

So, I've been saying that I would update, with pictures, but the truth is things are so busy right now that I don't have time for the picture posting, so... meh. Sorry guys!

Anyway, so the result of the biopsy is that, in fact, Stardust has inflammatory bowel disease. :( I'm fairly certain chicken is fine, 'cause she had it for three years without getting sick and, duh, when we changed her diet, she did. Basically, it's like an allergy to common proteins. So, the vet says only novelty proteins for her!

To try and really get out there and be supportive, and get the canned Science Diet GONE since it's grosser than I ever realized (compared to their dry food, it's like sewer puke). So, I got this Whole Pet Diet book, intending to use it to the best of my ability to help both of my kitties into prime health. I learned a lot... including that Stardust hates anything home made.

We decided to go with duck, because novelty protein foods (venison, rabbit, etc.) are so rare and a little bit more pricy, so they have to be ordered. Duck is the only thing I can think of that you can get organic in a store. So, they happened to be out, and I spent an entire afternoon while sick (with Jesse's assistance) cooking for her, because I wanted her to get better ASAP. Guess what? She wouldn't eat it. $36 and probably a month's-worth of cat food down the drain. Jesse had fun wiggling its kidneys at me, if that's an upside. :b Duck kidneys are gross. They look like demon eyeballs.

Thankfully, the food came in soon enough, as did her medicine, and Stardust is ferocious once more! She plays, she spends time with me, but I think being sick sapped a bit of her. I feel bad . . . I wish I had known sooner what was wrong. It took since March to diagnose that problem! :( But, it's not as though I didn't take her to the vet the first time, insist something was wrong, only to be told to get her some mild medications and that she'd be fine. :b She was not fine. I wouldn't have taken her to the vet in the first place if I hadn't thought it was weird. Anyway, she's recovering.

Oh, and the Whole Pet Diet book? Still worth it! My kitties are both eating EFAs (which, incidentally, include the anti-inflammatory flaxseed oil! Yay!) and getting shinier, healthier coats.. I'm pretty sure that Tatsu has stopped shedding altogether! :)

Anyway, so that's the scoop. Sorry for being boring and not having pictures. Maybe later.

On a side note, I want to go back to college. :b I may have to do it online... More to come on that later. :) Have to talk to my Sweetie first!!

Stardust's endoscopy, ultrasound... and biopsy? AHHH!

So, today Stardust was going to go inpatient to have her stricture fixed, get an endoscopy and ultrasound. The night before was like this picture. Stardust has been feeling better, but not all the way better, and she spends a lot of time letting me hold her and then grabbing my arm so that she can nuzzle it. Despite what the vets said today, she is very sweet. :}

It was hard to let her go. Terinati dropped me off at work, and I had to watch him drive off with my kitter-pea, just hoping nothing would go wrong.

You can imagine my delight when I called Jesse as work was ending and he said the specialists had advised we could pick her up! Hooray! But, it cost $1816.... OWWW... in addition to the $750 already spent. :( But, what else can you do for your best friend when they're sick and don't have their own funds?


But, here was the kitty I got back, and the report that came with her: The endoscopy showed a normal esophagus! In about the same amount of time that it took for the stricture to occur, Stardust healed up again! Hooray! So, it's good it's not the esophagus itself. No evidence of stricture or inflammation in the esophagus. In the stomach, though, there were a few mild areas of inflammation/irritation noted, but very mild. However, the small intestines showed diffuse inflammation and irritation. So, as a result they ended up doing stomach and intestinal biopsies. !!! Sure, if they said, "Can we do this?" I would have said yes anyway. Money doesn't matter. Her little life does! Kitty lives are already short. I want hers to be as long and happy as possible!

Anyway, I was surprised to see the shaving, which I hadn't thought about but make sense in retrospect. And they wonder why she wasn't friendly with them. :b Duhhh?


Poor kitter-pea . . . :(

Anyway, they are going to call us next week with the results of the biopsy. They suspect the cause of vomiting, which caused the stricture, may be inflammatory bowel disease. I'm not sure how to treat that, but since it's a listed disease, hopefully if that's what it is, they can treat it. * puffles * So much work! Stardust has been through a lot!

The worst part, though, is that in our excitement to take Stardust home early (she's still drunk and meowing at things for no reason and purring like she's got catnip shoved up her nostrils, while wobbling around mumbling like a crazy person, btw), we forgot her medicine at the specialist!! :( Terinati is going back tomorrow morning. Can I tell you how much I love this man for putting up with all of this trouble and listening to me remind him over and over again how to take care of her when I can't do it myself? She should be okay until then, but I still feel like an idiot. I reminded myself no less than three times on the way there. I guess 20 minutes waiting for your furr-baby to come out behind those closed doors does that to you, though. :}

Anyway, so that's the update! More to come, I'm sure...

--Dreamsenshi

Stardust, on the Path to Recovery! :)

So, Stardust saw a specialist on Thursday. They were great. I loved them! Compared to our regular vets, who openly racial profile my cat ("Oh, she's a Torti? Yep. She's going to be a b****." Yes, one of the vets we tried said that; I never went back to that one, but the others said similar things, just not as inappropriately) and seem offended when she doesn't like them sticking something up her butt and tries to fight back (how is she supposed to know that it's to measure her temperature?), the specialists were so respectful. They gave her time, talking to her gently, to come out of her carrier on her own. The other vets? Impatiently dump her out. The specialists stroked her and talked soothingly to her when she got out, giving her time to relax a little. The other vets? Get right to it without even a hello. The specialist would actually talk to Stardust instead of me while working with her, and then back off when she was getting frustrated. The other vets? Well, let's just say that I'm never surprised when Stardust is mad at them. Personally, I don't respect them as much myself. I mean, what kind of animal person can be so egotistical and not take the time to understand the needs and feelings of their patients?! * sigh *

At any rate, the specialists were wonderful. I wish that they were her regular vet! We went over all the information thoroughly, and the main doctor we were working with explained exactly what he wanted to do in detail so that we understood and were comfortable with it as well. They did some blood tests on Stardust, and we scheduled an inpatient appointment for her on Thursday, November 1st.

Since we don't know what caused the stricture, and it's likely that it was caused by the throwing up in the first place, they are going to do a deep endoscopy to not only look at the esophagus before treating it, but into the stomach to make sure nothing is wrong there, or if there is something wrong, we can treat it too so that it's not recurring. Then, they will insert a balloon and fill it with saline solution to inflate her esophagus back into place. :) Neat, huh?

Everyone seems optimistic about her recovery. Oh, and the shadow on the x-ray? It seems that the nurses at the other vet weren't aware that the liquid from the IV they injected would show up on the x-ray. * rolls eyes * Otherwise, the specialist couldn't find anything wrong in the x-rays.

In the meantime at home, if the timing is off with Stardust's medicine, she regurgitates. Otherwise, though, she's only been throwing up really nasty-looking hairballs. So, maybe everything is going to be okay once she's treated. I'm honestly scared that it will be a recurring problem . . . An expensive recurring problem . . . (we're looking at $750 put in so far, not including the services next week) But, I love her. She's my best friend. So, hopefully, she'll be cured and happy in the end!

I have to say, I didn't know people actually read my blogs. I should make more of an effort to write clearly. :} lol. But, to those who have read and been kind and sympathetic and encouraged our efforts, I really want to thank you. It's so endearing to know how many people not only care what happens to me, but what happens to Stardust! So often, people act aloof and try to pretend like animals and nature don't matter in this big world, especially living in the city. It's so neat when the truth comes out. Even our office supply vendor at work has his cat's photo in his cell phone as the wallpaper, as do Jesse and I. =^--^=

Has anyone else had a rough animal experience they want to share here via comment? Go for it!

Stardust's Esophagus is... narrowed?

So, an update on the kitty!

Monday was very traumatic, as you can probably see from my bleak venting. Things are good at work, though. Everyone has been sympathetic and requested to be kept in the loop about precious Stardust. Well, here's the scoop while I'm on lunch break.

When we went back on Monday, they had to sedate her (she's pretty violent with the vet) in order to take x-rays. Illuminique's hubby was kind enough to drive me out to pick her up later, since Jesse was working and wouldn't be able to be there with me. I really appreciate that, especially since I know my conversing skills and nerdiness are probably not quite up to par with his. :} And, I was an emotional wreck. I was trying not to be, but I was, and I struggled to concentrate on what kind stories he would share with me. I'm glad, because some were very good.

When we got there, I got to see Stardust's x-rays. They had said on the phone they hadn't found any tumors or anything, so I was pretty relieved. Just that Stardust's esophagus was narrowed. I thought this meant maybe allergies, or swelling from all the throwing up. I mean, she did throw up for like, three days and nights straight. :( But, the x-rays looked very shocking. They said it was consistent throughout the various shots they took over the extended period, and what I saw was what looked like a tube that had gotten bent or pushed upward with an upside down, v-shaped object or something. What's more weird is that everything between here and there looked pristine, begging the question of how that happened. Even Illuminique's hubby stated that it must have been internal. Not that we're doctors, but it seems like an obvious conclusion. More distressing was the unidentifiable shadow behind everything that seems to have nothing to do with the current problem.

Consequent to all of these questions that the vet knew they would be unable to answer or resolve, we were referred to some specialists. Thankfully, one of them was eager to take on Stardust, and she will be seeing them tomorrow. Also, Stardust has stopped vomiting and has been able to keep food down, most likely due to the barium they used for the x-rays. It's a relief for myself, and most likely for her as well. I had stayed home yesterday while she recovered. Between not sleeping for three days and the tests, she was like a rag doll, barely able to chew once I got the food into her mouth, and even less able to get the food to go down, or stand up on her own to get to the litter box. She's self-sufficient today, which is why I'm at work, but she's looking pretty miserable . . . I wish I could go with her tomorrow, but I have a class. :( * siiigh *

Anyway, so that's the update. It sounds promising. Everyone's been saying that it's treatable, and the vet has been great, already sending over the information for Stardust to the specialist, and Jesse picked up the x-rays today. I probably should have just asked to take them home with me Monday, but I was so out of it. I was just relieved to be taking my kitty home and not having one of those meetings where the vet has to shut the door and you have to make the hard choice. But, even though it sounds promising . . . how can I take for granted the life of my best friend?

Well, I should get back to work. I'm done eating lunch, and I'm going to get back to work early today. Wish Stardust the best.

--Dreamsenshi

Stardust is Ill

There is a particular Russian composer whose music I like to play on the piano because it is challenging and deep, even a little bit dark. Khatchaturian. Admittedly, part of the reason I like his stuff is because his name sounds like "cat" a little bit, and the first song of his I played was "Cat on a Swing."

There was one song in my book of his that I kind of liked, but didn't quite get until today. The song is titled "Liado is Ill." It's very depressing and dark, and thought, "Geez, for being sick, this is a real downer of a song! It's kind of dramatic . . ."

But today, my partner in crime, Stardust, is ill, and I keep crying and crying, and I think, "Oh, I get it now." And, I kind of wish I didn't. It's not that I haven't lost someone I've loved before; in fact it's because I have several times that it's so much harder.

When I met Stardust, it was something really special. Before I even got to the Humane Society, I knew what she would look like, her name, her personality, and that I was bringing her home that day. I was a little dismayed when I didn't see her at first; they had her in a cage on the back counter, possibly because she was scheduled to be put down that day because no one wanted her. I took her home.

The first year was horrible. I got no sleep, she was mean, she scared my guests, and we had a kind of battle for power . . . and then, one day, we both realized that control didn't matter that much to either of us, and what we really wanted was companionship. I'll never forget that day, because it was the first day she ever purred. All those people who said that I spoiled her, that they would never put up with a cat like that, and even called her a "demon cat" couldn't possibly understand the tenderness of our friendship, that we'd stayed close despite everything, and that made us inseparable. We were best friends.

Stardust was there for me when I was the most lonely. Jesse had gone away too college and was too busy for me at the time, and I was living alone in my studio apartment. My only friend in my age group that was really in communication with me lived half-way across the country and then disappeared later on. While Stardust and I weren't as close as ever back then, and we had our ups and downs, we were still each other's family and we counted on each other.

When I moved, I was afraid she wouldn't like it or that she'd want to have stayed behind or her attitude would suddenly change. Instead, what I saw from her when she realized we were moving and I didn't leave her behind was relief. To Stardust, this was the sign for the first time in her life that she would never have to be alone again. I hadn't realized that was why she hadn't opened up to me entirely. She was afraid of being hurt! Go figure! Everyone else had given up on her, until I had come along.

Stardust and I have been best buddies ever since. I don't think anyone else could understand us better, save for maybe Jesse. But, then Jesse and I moved in together to solve both of our dilemmas (getting me out of a bad neighborhood and getting Jesse out of a house far away from everything), and when we both started working full time, she was really lonely. So, we got Tatsu.

I was really worried that Stardust would feel replaced, and once she accepted Tatsu, I thought things would be okay. But, she's been melancholy ever since, even though she enjoys playing with him, and she's wanted more attention from me . . . I've kept a close eye on her, consequently, wanting to show her that I still love her best, but she seemed to still lose a little shine over time. She had gotten sick when he first moved in, but it passed, or at least seemed to . . .

And then, I came home Friday, and there was kitty vomit everywhere. At first I thought that it must be Stardust and Tatsu, and that they had both eaten something bad (usually if Tatsu starts eating it, Stardust will push him out of the way and finish it; it's surprising she isn't fat sometimes). But then, it became clear that it was just Stardust, and she desperately clung to me the whole evening between continuing to vomit. I was cleaning up vomit until 1am, at which time I fell asleep only to be woken up an hour later when Jesse got home.

First thing in the morning, we called the vet and got an appointment. I was relieved by their assessment; they thought the same thing that I had: Stardust has an obstruction. There's no blood in her feces from what we can tell, and she's throwing up the food and water immediately after taking it in. This happens from time to time; he gave us some medicine and told us to use petromalt, which I have, and I felt good, that things would get better.

Stardust threw up less, but she also started eating less, so I wasn't sure if things were going better. I don't feel like she's going to die, but I was really scared, so I tried to curb my fear and wait it out . . .

And then, yesterday afternoon, she stopped eating altogether. Consequently, there hasn't been any vomit, really, but all she does is sit and look tired . . . And the expression on her face reminds me all too much of another cat I used to know . . . Her name was Penelope, and she died from a tumor in her stomach. AHHHH!!!!

So, like the pathetic cat-loving mommy that I'm not ashamed to be, I spent the entire morning crying until I had to call in "sick" to my new boss, leaving her a voicemail explaining that I wasn't coming in because I was horrified my cat would die and I had to take her to the vet. I can only hope that she's not one of those people who thinks that animals aren't sentient or aren't as important as humans are. :b I don't think that she is, but the thought of getting in trouble over this makes me want to punch someone in the face. It's astounding to me that people can look at animals and see nothing when my relationship with Stardust is so strong . . .

So, I'm just venting here. I can't imagine life without Stardust. Well, I mean, when I got her, I knew that if we both lived happy, long lives, which is the goal, then of course I would outlive her. But, it would be okay, because I'd know that she would be happy, that I had kept my promise to her to take care of her and give her a full life. I guess I'm even more upset because this seems to happen a lot. Not just with pets, either! I get close to someone, and they do one of three things: 1.) They stab me in the back, 2.) They disappear for some unknown reason, leaving me to wonder for the rest of my life if I did something wrong or if they were just jerks or if something horrible happened to them that I could have prevented if humans just weren't scared of opening up, or 3.) They die an untimely death. I'm sick of it! It's not fair, and Stardust deserves better! She's such a good kitty! She's so horribly misunderstood, though. * sigh *

Anyway, we've got our appointment now, so I'd better get ready. Ugh. I guess I'll have to follow up later. Hopefully, it will be with good, amusing news or something.

Sayonara.

Overnight Ninja Party

So, on Saturday 8th, 2007, we celebrated Terianti's birthday with an Overnight Ninja Party! Only one person spent the whole night, but Miguel stayed until, like, 5am, so that was pretty darn close! =^--^=

Preparations started the evening before, when I stayed up until 2am doing the preliminary cooking. Here, I've taken some photos of the Shuriken Sugar Cookies that I made! I'm pretty proud of them. Not only do they actually look like shurikens (even though the mold was labeled as a "snowflake"), but they are really tasty! That's saying a lot, because I don't particularly like sugar cookies!

We also had some Chicken Satay (those were probably the most delicious part of the evening, and they were just supposed to be starters!), marinated in ginger, fish sauce, etc. . . . YUM! I will have to make these again! There was also Asian Pork Ribs with an orange sauce that came out really well, and then Teriyaki Noodles, which were a little intense, but tasty when fresh! There were too many leftover, though. Oops. :}

By request, Terinati had me make a dirt cake, on which there are ninjas defending their territory on the rocky hillside of doom and dismal torches against the fierce gummy worms! . . . It was surprisingly tasty, too! Hooray for my first dirt cake!

The party was a success, I think! 10 people, including Terianti and myself, crammed into our one-bedroom apartment, and we watched a video about a Bad Luck Dragon (hilarious!), but for the most part everyone had seen Ask A Ninja (very awesome, very funny), so we only watched a little of that. Aww. Terinati and I will have to watch the rest of it later.

We also found ramune, a popular Japanese soda, and had TONS of it. Shamefully, we have no pictures, but I think they have them on Wiki. VERY yummy! And, they have lychee flavor!

To save Adam from his puppy-like excitement, I conceded to letting Terinati open his gifts early, especially since the viewing finished much earlier than anticipated. Isn't my ninja wrapping job awesome? Thanks, MerchBot, for the awesome stickier-than-ever-before ninja tape! Very ninja-y! And, thanks to FlaxArt for the ninja-thick, black, wrapping paper. Perfect for concealing the surprise gift . . .

Thank you to everyone who contributed to the Wii surprise(Thanks, Dadoo, for being the biggest contributor! It really helped!)! Wrapping it individually worked out perfectly! Hooray! He was surprised, and touched, and much fun was had playing the Wii! The boys rocked out on Red Steel, among other games that Illuminique and her hubby brought over (there was a Wario game that was extremely silly, worth purchasing merely for the amount of giggles elicited alone! Thank you for sharing!), and of course, Wii Sports. I failed to take pictures because I was busy cooking, so I apologize. :( I really should have, but I was pretty beat too. I really have no excuse other than being exhausted and busy. :} But, those who were there can appreciate the sentiment, I'm sure! Also, thank you to the kitties, for keeping the secret with me so that I would not die. :}

Among the wonderful gifts, there were two special things for me. 1.) My dear friend, Kyriel, got to come and visit. Not only did she introduce me to the internet, but she brought my true love and I together. I can never thank her enough for this. 2.) Kyriel gave me my birthday gift early: a copy of Jack and the Beanstalk, the musical, on DVD. No, not just any copy, but the copy of the 1974 film that was released on HBO in the 1980's, when I saw it and recorded it on VHS . . . A VHS tape I had been lamenting the accidental destruction of for a couple of years now, because when I put it in a rewinding machine, it tore it at the beginning of the tape roll, and I thought I would never see my beloved film again. Not only is it a beautiful telling of the story, an anime before animes were anime, and full of childhood memories, but this film is my moral center. Everything I wanted to become growing up, everything that I stood firmly for, roots back to this film. I love it, and I actually cried when she presented it to me. I know, that probably sounds silly, but this movie is one of the rare treasures in my life. We watched it that morning, with Miguel, Kyriel, myself and Terinati, and it was even better than I had remembered, especially since the quality was greatly improved from a decades-old VHS recording that was pretty shabby to begin with.

In the past, if someone would have asked me what I would take with me if the apartment was on fire, I would have said, Terinati, Stardust, Tatsu, and then I wouldn't have known what else. This item would definitely come with me. Thank you, so much, Kyriel. Nothing is more special than a sentimental gift that shows that someone truly knows you, and that gift was that and more. I will never forget it, and I will cherish it forever.

Well, that's all of it! Thank you to everyone who made Terinati's birthday really shine and let him know how loved he is, even if you couldn't be there. I'm so happy that he has so many good friends! :) You are forbidden from changing! EV4R!

Back to the grind for me, now. Take care, everyone!

Secrets... Ooo...

Sheesh. Who would think that keeping secrets would be so hard when it's for a birthday surprise? Terinati's birthday was on Monday, but we're celebrating officially on September 8th, and I've worked very hard to make sure it will be the best party it could be for him because I love him and enjoy seeing him happy. But, dang it, my brain feels like exploding.
Every time I see him, I want to say, "Hey, guess what happened today? blah blah, secret blah blah blah." I keep on just barely catching myself and then standing there awkwardly, feeling like I'm going to explode.
Ultimately, this is a good thing. I mean, we're so open with each other that we're practically the same entity. On the other hand, I can't wait for the 8th to come so that I can spill ALL of the stuff I've been holding back. It's making me CRAAAAZY! * pant * Especially since there's so much involved worth sharing!
What's worse is that I don't even want to tell my friends, because what if they forget it's a surprise and slip up and tell him? That would suck. Not only would I not have gotten to surprise him, but I wouldn't have gotten to tell him myself when I wanted to. :b
So, there's a week and two days left, essentially . . . bleh. Must . . . hold . . . on! * sits on her head * Well, talk another day.

--Dreamsenshi

Legend of the Five Rings

Ahh . . . role-playing. Honestly, I don't get why there aren't more female players. We're totally bred to role-play. We're handed barbies, dolls, and toys, and expected to sit and make up stories on the fly with our best gal pals. The only thing guys do differently? They usually add imaginary weapons and real life dice to the mix, along with character sheets, of course. But really, I love to role-play.

And, I'm shocked to say that I finally have a game I love more than Cyberpunk 2020, which loses its cool with every passing year drawing closer to 2020 in real life. :} Legend of the Five Rings! I thought I would hate it, thought it would be too complicated or macho, but I love the roll and keep system (is it similar to Star Wars? I can't recall for sure . . .), and I love samurai, and I love honor, and I love my character, and I LOVE the story that Jesse is GMing! Honestly, I don't know why I don't dream about it. You'd think that I would, but I don't. Not at all. In fact, I had a weird dream about being in LONDON of all places most recently.

Anyway, I think the thing that separates this game from others is probably so perfectly innate that most people wouldn't even recognize it. D&D had categories for types of people, but they all tended to not get along with one another. Rokugan, the world of L5R, has several clans, and then individual families within the clans, to fit any profile! Any person who loves to role-play could find a place for themselves in Rokugan, from being an underdog ronin, to being an imperial princess, to being a fierce warrior, to being a meek scholar . . . It's fantasmic! I LOVE IT!!

So, as my hobbies come and go, I have given up on the Kitty Island Magazine, which saw no participation after grueling months of doing it all on my own (too much work for no participation), I have instead taken it upon myself to edit L5R (it's actually a project I started a long time ago when I was still distancing myself from the game, but Jesse loved it). There are glaring errors, and so many that one would think that they didn't even bother with an editor. Not only that, but the way that they decided subjects go together made no sense. It's random, flying back and forth in the book, so I'm making it more sensical and increasing the index's population to make things even more easy to find. MWA HA HA! Not only that, but I'm compiling the main 3rd edition source book with the other books we own . . . even though new things are coming out all the time! :D~ Yes, yes, the carpal tunnel does hurt, but that is how much I love this game. And, the more I do it, the more I love the game.

Actually, because my wrists hurt so much, I took a break and am now going back through Tonbo Hoshi's logs (my Dragonfly clan character; minor clan, romantic underdog type - LOVE IT) and creating a database for important things that she would remember that sometimes slip a player's mind. You know, those critical moments when your heart flutters, or those moments when you just want to smack someone, but you don't, because you're a samurai-ko and that's not the bushido way. :} The database is great, detailing tidbits and referencing back to the logs. Oh, yes. There are logs because we choose to play online (even though we're in the same room, feet away from one another) so that the computer can record it for us. Those are the kind of nerds that we are. Or, at least, that I am.

Sometimes, I worry that Jesse will think that he's created a monster, especially when we have so little free time anymore. I GM for him for Cyberpunk 2020, and now he GM's for me, for L5R. We also spend a great deal of time watching Gilmore Girls. We're about to finish season 2. That show is fabulously funny, and unique.

I can't imagine ever not watching great DVDs like this with Jesse, or playing role-playing games. I think those people who brush it off as being nerdy are really missing out! And, you know, role-playing is a bit complicated and takes time to learn the systems to play them smoothly (let me tell you, there were growing pains starting L5R, mostly caused by their glaring errors and unpathed book), but it's one of the most exciting things I can imagine. Even though I like those DVDs, I don't get watching TV all the time when I can play the main character, even if it is for only a couple hours a week. It's an irreplacable experience, and it allows you to see something from someone else's perspective. It's as miraculous as music, to me. Beautiful. I'm so glad my fiance is the type of guy who loves this stuff as much as I do. :)

Okay! Raving OVER! I can't wait to role-play again! EEEEE!