Day 3 - Kitty Island

To see all the pictures from the honeymoon as I upload them (the ones in my blog only skim the surface), check out: http://www.flickr.com/dreamsenshi

Today started very rough, as you could probably tell from my hectic post for Day 2 earlier. Walking all day yesterday had repercussions, even with working hard to stay hydrated and stretching. I was incredibly sore when I got up, as was Terinati, and as of now my right knee seems to have some problem. It hurts the most when I go downstairs, but in general it doesn't feel good; I'm trying my best to be careful with it.

After showering, I did feel a lot better, though my leg only got worse throughout the day. Since it was an eating day, I ate breakfast in the lobby for the first time, and it was great! There was bread, scrambled eggs, sausages, some kind of spiced rice triangle (delicious!), a potato salad with apples in it, and some kind of corn soup. It was all fantastic, and the morning was fun because it was crowded and a nice woman with two boys asked to sit next to us and complimented Terinati on his chop stick skills. :)

Our plan for today after that has been in the works for two years. Shortly after getting engaged and discussing the possibility of being able to save up enough money for Japan for our honeymoon, we did a search online for romantic locations. Enoshima came up in a few other blogs, and we immediately fell in love. Not only is it the island of the goddess Benten, who grants artistic ability as well as war ability and is prayed to specifically for love (they have Valentine's festivals there every year, with fireworks and everything!), but the island was described as being inhabited entirely with cats. We had a hard time finding a picture online without a kitty in it! Thus, we were inspired to name our website that we created a short while later "Kitty Island" after this cool place.

When we spoke to Inside Japan Tours, we insisted that this is one place we had to go, so today was the day! After three train trips to get there, we walked down Benten Bashi (Benten Bridge) toward Enoshima...


We had been planning to take the ferry to the island, but the ferry was not running today. :} Our poor feet had no idea what they were in for.

At the end of the bridge, it's just like any famous beach property; food, surfers, and a big crowd of people shopping. I'm glad we didn't opt to go swimming ourselves because there was some really gross garbage in the water, and I bet it was pretty cold despite it being summer.

A short while in, I inquired to Terinati about this elevator we could take to the top, but we discovered it cost money so we weren't going to take it. :( Sorry, knee! POORness. :/ So, we started the walk here and went all the way around the island to see everything. It took all day!


This was only the first of many stairs around the island. :} I had no idea how much there was to see!

While this statue was impressive, with Benten and the Dragon god of prosperity, most people just walked right by it because it's nothing compared to everything else you would see. I still like it quite a bit, though!



Just to the right of that is this washing basin. We were fortunate enough to see a Japanese couple come up and use it before we did so ourselves. Although we can't read to know for sure, we suepct that a person must be purified before approaching the shrines.


While there, we wrote our own prayer to Benten. I remembered how to write our names in Katakana! Go me! It was sweet to glance at the other cards (I was trying hard not to read them because those thoughts are personal and special, ne?), especially when we saw some with only one name and a question mark for their potential partner. Dreams of love are something magical, and I think people have to be special to believe in them, especially enough to write them down!


Next stop was to see the prosperity dragon god. Isn't he cool?



All around the dragon is this pool of water. I saw some men and women wash their money, even paper cash money, by placing it into a small bowl basket, like Terinati is doing in the above picture, and then getting it wet in the waters. I suspect this has to do with the dragon's water multiplying the amount that you wash.


In the same area, we also discovered the triforce. :} What does it mean?! Why is it associated with safe driving? This blows my mind, in a Benten shrine.


We also saw this bell, which is the Bell of Dragon's Love. I don't know the whole legend, but supposedly many people come to ring this bell and pray for their eternal love. Instead of using paper, most people brought locks to add to the rows you can see here. So, if you want to do something really different for your loved one and are going to be near enough Enoshima, I recommend taking your sweetie here.


There were also historical caves which we were sent to explore using a birthday candle in little homemade sort of tray. The cave was really awesome! I'd have had no complaints, had I not been getting so sore that it was impossible not to wince when I walked downhill anymore.

Quite possibly one of the most enchanting moments that I just had to record a snippet of was this monk singing in the Enoshima Daishi. I wanted to buy a CD of it, but they seemed to have already sold out. :(

Time was certainly flying, especially after we got top of the lighthouse and took some pictures of the view. There was so much to see. It literally took us all day to get there, explore, and come back. But, was it worth it? Yes! I recommend the trip, but keep in mind, be prepared to pay if you can't handle the walk.



But wait! That's not all, right?! So, how many kitties did I see on Kitty Island? From the very moment I walked on it, I saw a cat (that one ran away from being photographed, though). In my photos, I counted 28 of them! I'll post a few of my favorites here:


This kitty found a nice place to gather some sun in the garden.



There were three kitties we found on motorcycles!


This kitty was grumpy about getting its picture taken at first, until Terinati started giving it scritches!


This kitty waltzed right into a restaurant where it was instantly greeted with affection and pets! I imagine that in America, this would not happen. Any cat wandering into a restaurant would be gotten rid of as soon as possible, because of possible germs and such. I'm fond of the fact that cats are treated so well in Japan. :)




Two little kitties sleeping inside one of the buildings. Truly everywhere!

The way back was eventful, too. Terinati managed to get his photo taken with a Japanese police officer:


And, when we got back to the station, I noticed that someone had dressed the stone birds at the boundary of the station:


And, as a last good-bye to Benten, while riding the Japan Rail, we took a photo of a statue of her head that we could see through the window of the train.


Upon the return to the hotel, we started a search for good food. We found an AWESOME place for relatively cheap (850 yen) on Edo Dori, with a green sign across the street from the McDonald's. I don't know the name of it, but you go inside and there is a machine with pictures of all of the meals you can have. You pay the machine, press the button for the meal, and get a ticket. You sit down and hand the ticket off to a helper, and in a moment you are brought raw food to cook yourself right in front of you! In my case, I didn't know how the food would end up, so I needed a little help preparing it. The woman working there was very eager to make sure the meal was a success! And, the best part? Once you're done you don't have to wait for the check! Since you paid already (oh, and not only do you get the food of your choice, but also a miso soup, salad, and water with a pitcher right next to you to refill), you just get up and walk out! I loved it. :) The food was delicious! The only problem was that my food, fried rice mixed with Korean rice, was so much that it really was too big of a serving for one person.

On the same street, we discovered something amusing:


I have to wonder how Japanese folks choose their works. :} Is it magical coffee? Is it fake coffee? Why a charade? Ah well!

Finally, to end the day before coming home, I decided to pick up some McDonald's to go. Why, when I can have that any time in America? Because I just needed to know if it was different or not. For the most part, it ended up being the same. I think it may have been slightly different. The fries were the same, but they tasted like they were either cooked in less oil (which can be a store-to-store thing in America), or a different oil altogether. Hard to tell, so probably just less oil in that batch. The burger definitely was better only because I forgot to ask for no onions (I love onions, but McDonald's onions are disgusting), but ate it anyway and it tasted delicious! Yay! However, there were some cute differences on the menu, such as offering a Smile for 0 yen, and the items in the below picture:


I've never heard of Shaka Shaka Chicken before, have you?

Anyway, I'm falling asleep at the computer as I type now, and Terinati and I are both starting to feel a little under the weather. I'm going to take a bath and head to bed! Oyasumi nasai!

Day 2 - 47 Ronin, Imperial Palace, & Tokyo Disneyland

Catching Up with Photos

Alright! So, we got a cable and here are photos that were from yesterday!


Here is the picture of the seat in front of us on the train toward Ueno. . .


A picture of me in our digs!

Aforementioned slippers...


Ever wonder about what books are in Japanese hotels? They have the Bible, like American hotels, and some Buddhist books as well. :)


The bathroom...


Fancy toilet and its many buttons (sorry, they're upside down, meant to be read while you're sitting)...


The shower dispenser; I can now add that this does fabulous things for my hair. It has never been so manageable or soft in my entire life!


Shape Up Gel was in the Engrishy gifts that came with the hotel room. Apparently it's to shape the body... =^o0^=


The cute little chef in the lobby of our hotel...

And now we're pretty much caught up! I can't upload all of our photos as it will take too long to blog and we want to enjoy Japan. :} But, if you look up Dreamsenshi on Twitter and add me as a friend, you may be able to view them all there. :)

47 Ronin Story

One of the places Terinati really wanted to go was to the Sengakuji Temple, the burial place of the 47 Ronin. If you don't know who they are, they were part of a real life legend where their master, Lord Asano, was slain by a main named Kira, and they went after him and brought back his head for their dead master. The book is easy to find in America, and we noticed while at the temple that the same edition was available there.


Terinati was forunate enough to be able to purchase insense to burn there for 100 yen, and gave burning sticks to the graves of all who were buried there, including Lady Asano. It was incredible to be there, with the tree on which some of Lord Asano's blood has spilled, and other amazing artifacts from the true story. There was also the preserved well where they washed Kira's head before presenting it to their master's grave.

We noticed that with the tombstones, there are little slots where water fills up to put flowers in, so bringing flowers is appropriate too. I'm glad we were able to show reverence ourselves.

We paid for entry to the museums (to get into the temple is free) and we also got to see a real life monk! It was kind of surreal, and I feel a little silly for getting so excited, especially in such a solemn place. It was well worth it when we saw an ancient scroll that was marked as the "receipt" for Kira's head. It made us both giggle. :}

The Imperial Palace

After that, we went to the Imperial Palace to see the gardens. On the way, we passed some kind of music place with what we thought were amusing posters...


LOL. Fiddler on the Roof with a full Japanese cast looks so different!

While we were searching for the Imperial Palace, we found a map and noticed this sign, which tickled our fancy:


"Shelter for People Who Cannot Go Back Home." We did not find this shelter, but hope that there aren't many people in it!


We walked and walked and reached the palace. I didn't see the palace (or at least, I don't think the building we did see was it), but we did see the gate with some very formal-looking guards:



We continued on to the east gardens, which are open to everyone, and found some Imperial Koi in the moat along the way, opening their mouths at us for food. We didn't have any, though:


The gardens were large and beautiful, including bansho (ancient guard posts that are no longer in use), bamboo and other types of plantlife mostly unique to Japan, a tower, and so much more (all pictures are in my Flickr, which I've set to public; look for Dreamsenshi and my Japanese Honeymoon set at http://www.flickr.com ).


A nice man took our photo for us in front of the Iris Garden, which is my favorite part since it's near a pretty waterfall.

Tokyo Disneyland

After that, I convinced Terinati to go to Disneyland. He's never been before, even in America, so I had things I wanted to show him.

As we got out of the station to catch a bus to it, I realized I needed to use the restroom. I headed to the one near the exit and was startled to find my very first traditional Japanese toilet, the kind that are on the floors. =^oo^= I have to admit, it made me a little nervous because I was worried about making a mess or missing, but it was just fine! :) That is, until I went to wash my hands and found only the sink and no soap dispensers and no means to dry my hands, even though I got them wet. I'm not sure why there was no way to wash your hands; perhaps they expect that with that style toilet there is no way to get dirty, which is a fair enough assessment, I suppose.

When I came back out, Terinati had discovered a candy box called "Crunky Kids" and bought it. I've since tried a piece and have to say... it tastes just like it sounds. :} So, perhaps the Engrish is not a mistake. It truly has a Crunky flavor. :}


We arrived and the place was full of music, a parade, and I ran about showing him as much as I could. We started with the Jungle Cruise, which was interesting in Japanese, and hit the Haunted Mansion, Pirates of the Carrabean, etc. I regret that we missed Thunder Mountain, Splash Mountain, and Space Mountain (the last one was closed for repairs), but we got to see the most sentimental things for me, like Star Tours, and I purchased a cute pastry box shaped like Jack Skelington from the Nightmare Before Christmas. The rain had held off until we were done! Yay! But, we needed to get home...

We weren't sure which bus to take back, and although we've been saving up for two years for this trip, we didn't have much money, so taking a taxi back to the hotel would cost way too much. I remembered we had JR Rail passes for two weeks, so we went to redeem them only to find that we couldn't redeem them until we were back at the Tokyo station! =^><^= d'oh! If we'd remembered to redeem them back at the Ueno station on the first day of our trip, we would have been set. So, we paid our way to get to Tokyo instead, got our rail passes there, exchanged some money we got from our wedding dollar dance for yen, and then decided to explore the mall we were in.

It ended up being lucky that it wasn't a smooth plan because the mall had the cable that we needed to upload the pictures from the camera and was quite large and interesting to look at.


For example, one of the restaurants featured this delicious-looking pizza with mushrooms, sausage, bacon, and an egg on top. I'm totally going to try and make this when I get home!

After that, we were exhausted from walking around all day. The city was getting busy at night with people eager to go home, and I was starting to feel creeped out by how no one smiles at one another if they don't know the other person and how quiet everything is (although, that mall was REALLY noisy). We came back to the hotel and practically collapsed into bed, happy to have successfully filled up our day.

Anyway, sorry that I'm probably forgetting some details here in there. We must be off for today! Take care!! :)

Wedding and Day 1 in Japan :)

The Wedding

Hi, Everyone!

So much for blogging more often. :} It was a very busy week, so I'm glad that I took time off! At first, I think Terinati and I were just worried about getting things done, but when Thursday rolled around, I was so excited to see my friends RainShine and Pandamo come in that almost all of my worries were melted away. We stayed up too late catching up, ran around like crazy, and the wedding was beautiful, silly, and happy. It was so much fun to see all of our family and friends together, and I feel extremely lucky to have such wonderful people in my life.

While I intend to send out formal thank yous, I still think that blogging my gratitude now is important. Terinati and I were blown away by the support and generosity of everyone. We are going to have a great start, taking out debt and moving forward. In addition, I want to thank everyone who helped pull the wedding together with us. There are too many people to list, but in particular I want to give Anna special kudos for going above and beyond the call of duty; she didn't have to do all that she did, and she did it all voluntarily and without once complaining, and it made such a difference in how smoothly everything went that I know that the wedding wouldn't have been the same without her. :) Of course, this is not to overshadow all of the other hard work that went into the wedding from so many people. You totally blew us away! Thank you so much!

Unfortunately, we haven't received any wedding photos yet. In fact, right now I am typing on my laptop on the plane to Tokyo, without access to the internet, so if anyone has e-mailed photos, I will have to post them on Flickr later and provide a link. (as an update, we forgot our cord to plug in the photos, so we're going to have to try to find one while we're here)

Also, I want to say how much I miss everyone already! Not only were we able to reunite with so many, but I got to know many people a lot better. :) I want to work hard to keep in touch when we get back, even though I know I will be very busy with my two classes. :/ With some determination, we can make it happen!

Day 1 - Tokyo, Japan

So, to the honeymoon! Our journey actually started immediately after the wedding. As I planned, we stayed up until ungodly hours (I was up 24 hours on accident :} ) to get onto Japan time. I was worried that the anti-jet lag plan wasn't going to work, especially when around 3:30am on Monday morning Terinati and I started feeling queasy from lack of sleep! But, we took a nap, and now I am on Japan time, and I'm not even there yet! I'm happy, because we want to make the most of this trip.

The first plane we rode on was a Jazz Air Canada plane, and it was super cute! A lot of the people riding it were complaining about how small it was, but Terinati and I found it to be unique and cute. But then again, I'm always excited about new and different experiences. Everyone was friendly, and we managed to get through the next airport without too much trouble.

The plane we are currently on is very big, but super comfortable! I can honestly say I've never had such great service, food, and space on an airplane. It's not as comfortable as having a bed, but Terinati and I managed to get our sleep and relax. So, hooray! I am looking forward to the next meal, though. Part of me feels guilty because I haven't had a chance to work out, but I'm sure we'll make up for it with all our touring around once we're on the ground . . . which is only 7 hours away now!

Anyway, there's nothing else to say for now. I wish I was near enough to a window that I could look out, but then again . . . every time I've tried, I've been entirely blinded. :} That wing is awfully SHINY! Okay, more to come later! 8:35am Japan Time!

--6:15am Japan Time, Wednesday, June 17th

12 hours is a long time to wait eagerly to see a sign of Japan, but the flight was great and as we came in, we saw Narita and some of the surrounding area through a haze of cloud. I was very anxious as we stepped into the airport. I kept feeling relieved that we'd made it that far okay, but also heavily aware that we are on our own in a foreign country, and I've never had an experience like this. I also had thoughts such as wondering if Japan would be how we'd imagined, how we heard.

And then, we noticed our first major difference between America and Japan. The escalator in the airport was so silent! I didn't say anything at first, and then Terinati couldn't help but mention something to me. All of the escalators, elevators, car engines . . . every machine we've encountered so far, even the train, was absolutely silent. And the people have been too! I feel as though my mind is free to think, clear of the noise-clutter we normally have everywhere where I live at home. It's very peaceful. It's also strange to be in such a big city and walk down the street and have thunder be the only major noise.

We took the train down to Ueno station; the gentleman from Inside Japan Tours was very polite and made sure we got on in a timely fashion. We saw beautiful rice fields, houses, interesting hotels and apartment buildings . . . parking lots full of bicycles and verticle parking lots . . . We also couldn't help seeing some places from home, like Denny's, T.G.I. Fridays (really didn't expect to see that one!), McDonald's, Starbucks, and a few other familiar figures with different names.

After reaching Ueno, we needed a taxi to the hotel. It was a little disorienting being on the other side of the street, especially when with several cars it was still impossibly quiet. Every time Terinati and I spoke, I felt like we were interrupting a prayer moment in church or something. :} The taxi driver was very polite, and the taxi was amazingly clean inside and out. In fact, the whole area is very clean.

When we got to the hotel (I'll tell you where later when we aren't here anymore, for our own safety), we were greeted with gifts from Inside Japan Tours (a sakura tea set! I'm looking forward to having tea this morning, since it is a fasting day for us), a complimentary gift from the hotel (I chose a "happiness" pack which included bath aroma and some kind of "spicy" . . . hair gel? It's very Engrishy, so once we have figured out the picture situation, I'll show you more!), and then we got to pick out MORE complimentary gifts. I was feeling very spoiled, but fortunately one option was light-colored socks, which I needed because I foolishly only packed my black socks. Oops.

We came up to the hotel room and it's just very cool! While much smaller than American hotel rooms, it is extraordinarily practical. When we came inside, there is a spot to insert the stick attached to the key into the wall, which turns on the electricity in the room. So, when someone leaves, nothing can be left on, which I bet saves the hotel lots of money!

Immediately inside are slippers (too small for Terinati's feet! heehee) so that you can take off your outdoor shoes and switch into them. My feet are nicely snuggled into them right now... SO COMFY! Everywhere, there are instructions in Japanese and English, which is very helpful. The bed takes up most of the space, next to a couch which I suspect also can act as a futon of sorts.

I am sitting right now at a desk in the room next to a TV and a very convenient little hole in the wall through which the internet cable comes through. Above me is an air conditioning unit that adjusts the temperatue to the exact setting you desire very quickly by remote control (in C, not F), and on the ceiling is a radio speaker! It took us a while to explore and figure out that the controls are at the head of the bed for the lights and radio, which is very convenient; no stumbling to bed in the dark for us! We also have a mini-refrigerator, which I think is cool because we can go to a nearby store, pick up drinks, and stash them here for later. :)

But, none of these are the coolest things in the apartment. The bathroom takes the cake! Inside they provide toothbrushes with toothpaste capsules to use and razors. This is a big deal to me because anywhere I have traveled in the U.S., I've never had that; we packed our own toothbrushes and such. The toilet is very cool, with a heated seat if you choose to turn it on, and washing implements. =^oo^= It got better! The bath tub was a jacuzzi! We haven't gotten the jacuzzi function to work, but it doesn't matter! Terinati was just excited to see a bath that fit him, and after such a long trip, we knew we were going to need to relax our muscles before bed. The bath and shower water is just like the air conditioning unit in that you can set the exact temperature that you want it to be! It's amazing, and much easier than our fickle shower at home where the temperature fluctuates all of the time. Not only that, but there are dispensers in the shower for shampoo, conditioner, and face/body wash. :) I didn't need to bring anything but clothes!

We took pictures, but will have to show you later. I really hope we find a device quickly, or we will run out of space on our camera. :( d'oh.

After getting settled in, we decided to go out and get dinner. Inside Japan Tours recommended a sushi place just up the street . . . but there were tons of sushi places, and we couldn't read their signs to tell which one it was. :} lol. So, we decided to be adventurous and go a little farther, and outside of Tsukiji Sushi Sen, a nice girl beckoned for us to come inside. Since she was the first, we decided it must be fate and went inside. :) It was a very welcoming place, with a warm atmosphere. Everyone there seemed to know each other, or at least talked to one another as if they did, and we sat down and were only a little out of place. :} With the little Japanese I know, we managed to order water and pointed out some sushi we wanted to try, along with some tempura. It was delicious! There was one piece of sushi that looked like brains (it was something that was cooked with a blow torch, probably some kind of squid), and I affectionately called it "zombie sushi." heehee. It was delicious; it could eat it all the time. The sushi was so impressively fresh, and we immediately realized why. There were tanks of fish right behind the counter, which the chef was working with. Amazing! It cost about $40.00 after a blueberry dessert, and we felt it was well worth it. If there weren't so many new things to try, I'd hope to go back there.

After that, we decided to explore in the rain and saw a few interesting things, such as a cute pottery store with maneki nekos (one of them was posed just like our Tatsu, stretched out and arms out to the side), and then we saw portable shrines, and the Kaminarimon Gate before the rain started to get too cold and heavy, so we headed back.

So, that was our first day in Japan! I feel less anxious about getting lost or in trouble today, but it's only the morning! However, I do miss Stardust a great deal. I woke up, and my vision is pretty bad. I looked over at the couch and saw something dark on it, and for a moment I thought it was her, but quickly remembered that she wasn't here and that it was just the laptop case. :(

Anyway, we need to get going, so I'd better shower and we will be on our way! Talk later!

The Wedding Journey Up To Today

The Journey - Why Do People Work So Hard for "Just One Day"?

Two and a half years ago, Terinati proposed to me and a whole series of events were put into motion when I said yes. We'd been together for over a decade, so the reaction of most people was, "It's about time." But, considering how young we are, the timing just felt right to us.

When we started looking at planning a wedding, we realized two things right away; if we tried to have it in the normal scope of time that most people do, we wouldn't have enough money to pull it off, no matter how many corners we cut, unless we just went to a courthouse. The other part was that we live in a big city with tons of people and few places that are affordable and likable for having a wedding, so we actually needed to book places right away. Two years early, and we actually had to argue to claim our ceremony and reception site and time. Can you believe it?! When we told our friends this, most of them live in a much calmer, much simpler climate, and they just didn't understand. I know they thought we were exaggerating, and it's frustrating that people don't realize that within the United States there are so many varied sub-cultures that things really are that different from place to place. Just trying to get the wedding started, I lost two people who I thought were my friends. It was kind of a shock, but in the end I realized from going over our conversations in my head that it would have happened anyway, no matter what I did. So, I'm glad it happened then, even though it hurt a lot.

Terinati and I struggled tons to get things together. We had no idea what we were doing, our families both live very far away (adding to the guilt of trying to plan a wedding where nearly everyone has to fly to us!) so that we didn't have them available to be there through things, and throughout the beginning there was a lot of me doing research and then horrifying Terinati with the gloomy prospects of the lowest amount an event would cost us. It was extremely stressful getting the ball rolling.

Why am I bringing all this up? I'm nearing the end of my journey with Terinati now! Today is my last day that I go in to work before I start my vacation, and I'm looking back at our past selves and smiling because this whole experience has completely changed us. On Sunday while we were out on a most amazing all-day errand-date, we were marveling at how much more in love and happy we are with each other every single day. At one point while we had stopped to eat, Terinati said to me, "It's insane how hard we've worked just to put together one day." And then it hit me, and this is the revelation I shared with him that I want to share in my blog now. I said, "I don't think it was really all about the wedding day itself. I think all of this has brought us all closer together."

Friends that I didn't talk to regularly I am now more in touch with than ever before. Same with family! It just got us talking more after years of being separated. You have to communicate when you're planning a wedding, and now I feel like my real friends are here supporting me and every moment we've talked about all of this together I've learned about their dreams, their wedding experiences, their lives, and they've all learned new things about me too. That alone is beautiful! For me, it's really important to have close relationships. I don't want to be that person that only talks to you once a year at Christmas, or the person you avoid because you're scared I won't understand what you're going through. This has already been one of the greatest gifts.

I've learned how to be more of the person I want to be. When I got engaged, it hit me. I wasn't the girl I dreamt of being on my wedding day. I started eating better, working out more, and I lost 30 pounds from the time we got engaged. Terinati has lost even more than that! We have a new lifestyle, and I can honestly say I've never been healthier or happier in my whole life. I also started going back to school, and it has given me back so much confidence! At times I was like, "I must be crazy, planning a wedding, working full time, and going to school too!" but if I hadn't, I wouldn't be as happy with myself as I am today. I feel really proud of my accomplishments and the hard work that went into them. Finally, Illuminique has practically provided me with a new wardrobe, Anna has shown me where to go to be feminine and chill out, and finding the Princess Portal / The Lost Princess was a magical part of the process that linked me back into a deeper, more beautiful part of myself. Oh, and I can't leave out Kyriel, allowing my younger past self to come out again. And Athena, reminding me of music! Amanda and her exciting family!! Temple taking me to New York and getting me studio time!! Did I mention how much I love my friends? I'm sorry if I left someone out! You're all great, I promise! :) Even my co-workers have really brightened up my life and been really supportive with the wedding. =^--^=

Going through all of the planning, figuring ourselves out, and the financial planning and coordination . . . it's all brought us closer together and forced us to grow. The wedding isn't just one day; it's a journey, and I'm glad that I didn't miss it! I think if it were any other way, it'd be really depressing. :} I mean, it's going to be great to dress up with my girlfriends and be reunited with so many people I care about, but for me this definitely goes beyond the day. These are treasures I will have for my whole life, and I know that even after we get back from Japan, the adventure that Terinati and I are sharing right now is going to continue on in a new form. * smile * It's been a huge trust-building experience, probably the first one that Terinati and I went through as a couple as most of our personal goals have been separate in the past.

My advice to anyone else who is getting married soon: Don't miss the journey! Stop, even if just for a moment, and think about all of the things going through the process does for you. I know everyone's wedding is unique (humans are too complex for them not to be!), but I think it's impossible to not sit back and evaluate where you are in life and where you are going when such an event is approaching.

And, on that note, I must hurry off and get ready for work. =^--^= I think I'll be blogging more regularly now as the day approaches, though the blogs will probably be shorter than this one. I just woke up feeling like I had to say this all today. :)

Alright! Off I go!

May Princess Challenge

Another delayed blog! As the wedding gets closer, even without classes, there has been tons to do. I'm studying for two classes that will start upon our return to the United States from Japan on June 30th, because otherwise I know I'll fall behind and do poorly. I've also been working my heart out on putting together my song, which is now "One" instead of "We Are One," and recorded it on Thursday. I may go back to the studio one more time to do some touch-ups, but overall it's not horrible! I think that, as with anything, there will always be room for improvement. This whole experience has left me wondering if professional musicians are ever truly satisfied with their work, or if it's just me. Terinati and the mixer both thought that the song sounded "good," unflinchingly, but I think that unlike all of my experiences leading up that moment they were just giving me too much freedom to do what I needed to do and I should have been more picky. Either way, I have the song recorded and am going back to get the whole original mix put onto a DVD so that I have it, and perhaps I will do some changes when I go back in, but otherwise... it's done. Strangely, the world has not changed significantly and I am still the same person. :} I'm not sure what I was expecting, really, but it's weird. I guess it hasn't really sunk in yet.

Meanwhile, my goals and the May Princess Challenge have been in the back of my mind. On International Princess Day, May 5th, I made time for Kyriel and we watched Gilmore Girls. That may not sound significant, except that I had been really overworking myself and I don't think I'd seen her for a month or two. The main part of the challenge issued by Princess Skye was to increase awareness. Appropriately, we were watching the episode where Rory goes to her Yale dorm for the very first time. The first time Rory goes through, Lorelei tells her how she missed the moment being stressed out and worrying about getting started at Yale, so she made Rory go back through the dorm room, aware and appreciative of the moment. It was kind of a smack in the face for me; I've been trying to be aware, but I have been really stressed out. My ultimate princess day is coming, my wedding day, and I haven't been enjoying much leading up to it. Everyone keeps asking, "Aren't you excited?" More and more, especially, now that it's two weeks away. However, up until that day with Kyriel, I hadn't been enjoying things. I hadn't been relaxing enough to! I had been limiting my awareness to getting things done in a very check-list fashion and missing all of the moments.

This probably contributed to me getting the flu for two weeks. :} I was so stressed out! Between that epiphany and the flu, I had to slow down. I worked from home a few days because I didn't have much sick time, and I rested a lot. In this time I've learned even more about myself and my complex nature, and what's really important to me. I even realized that there were a few things I'd given up on because I told myself that was what I was supposed to do, that I needed to move on . . . but I'm still not ready to give up on them, really. One of those was my music. That may sound strange because it was part of my goals, so it doesn't sound like I'd given up on it, but I had. I purposefully sabotage myself in many ways, trying to keep myself from feeling disappointed by my lack of success. It's a bad pattern of behavior.

So, while I was sick and still pondering International Princess Day, I decided that I really deserve to be happy. I don't expect perfection out of life, but I deserve to allow myself happiness and to be who I really am, even if other people can't accept it. Therefore, I'm allowing myself to feel like a princess for my special day instead of a person who is making a bunch of other people feel obligated to show up and shower her with attention. :} Everyone deserves this at least once, right? And, if you knew the background of my life and how other "special events" have gone for me... well, I really deserve this one day. :}

I didn't realize how hard it was for me to allow myself pleasure. In my own way, I've kept myself in my own prison, punishment for failing at so many dreams I've had in the past despite my efforts. In a way, I suppose, I blamed myself for an awful lot . . . when I really shouldn't have. Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, bad things happen. It doesn't make it anyone's fault. But, I guess I take it all pretty seriously and felt that there must have been a wrong way, and I missed it. It's probably a good thing I don't have Hiro Nakamura's super powers to go through time and space, because I don't think I'd be able to give up trying to find the "right way." In reality, I can only control myself, so it's only natural that there are other things beyond my ability to "make right," whatever right is. And, every bad experience I've had has ultimately led to something good, despite the hurt involved.

In taking time to be aware, I saw that I have support from people who really matter, especially Kyriel, Terinati, Anna, Illuminique . . . the people who haven't criticized my failures and just been there to try and help me along in their own, different ways, and have been supportive and always show some kind of care about my happiness. * smile * It's nice to have people who, while struggling through their own lives, care about me too. If good people like them can see that much good in me, then I need to take time to believe again too. No more blaming myself for all of the sorrow. I don't blame anyone; now, I'm spending more time appreciating what I have and learning to have faith in that I do deserve to pursue my dreams again. I've been growing in confidence slowly over the past years leading up to the wedding. It's strange how getting engaged lead to so much change. I honestly didn't expect much of anything!

So, for me, the challenge continues. This has actually been harder for me than anything else, to allow myself to feel more again. To allow myself to want things sometimes, a little selfishly, and to allow myself to form opinions that others may disagree with. To allow myself to be who I am, and to have enough confidence to take myself to the next level instead of forcing myself to be satisfied with what is sometimes a boring life. Going to school and working hard is all well enough, but I've been denying myself the feeling that I could do so much more long enough. It's time to really wake up. This sleeping beauty isn't going to stay under the surface all this time just to wake up and do nothing at all. My adventure is just starting. I don't know how it will turn out, but not trying is just boring. * grin * And to start, I'm going to enjoy the beginning of our "happily ever after" more than anything else we've embarked on together thus far. I've actually been planning for it being horrible! Can you believe it? I just didn't want to get my hopes up, to get excited. No more of that. How can I not be excited when we're more united than we've ever been? It truly is one of my dreams come true already. <3 <3 <3 From here on out, there's no more holding myself back. Only I can allow myself to be the princess I dreamed of being. Everything starts with me.

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Now, to update my goal progress from the original January Princess Challenge I made.

2.) Finish composing “We Are One” for the wedding in June so that it can be recorded in the studio.

05/27/09 - recorded!! Two discs and one flash drive of both the version with voice and just instruments.

3.) Work toward recording my other songs (this will start with getting decent recording equipment in my home).

May - We purchased new software, new sound card, and I have a lot of exploring to do here.

21.) Change my look to something that I like all of the time. I don’t think I’ll ever change my hair (whenever I think about cutting or dying, I just can’t see that happening), but I want to stop feeling like I’m going outside wearing clothes that embarrasses me. I want to wear something that I think speaks for how I feel about myself and the world around me. More feminine, less uptight, and yet still respectable! Or silly. I think I need some of both. This ties into the goal of getting rid of clutter (#7).

05/17/09 - Cut my hair for the first time in a salon since I was 15 years old. With LAYERS!

29.) Learn to make more dishes! Perhaps one a week, because more than that is insane. It’s tedious trying out new dishes, but I’ve discovered many recipes this way.

05/30/09 - despite being very busy, I've managed to cook several dishes since last month. :) I'm learning a lot. My most recent accomplishments were Barley & Asparagus and Yellow Starlight Cake. =^--^=

33.) Stock makeup that I like and works for me.

May 2009 - found eyeshadows that I like at Whole Foods! They're light and don't bother my eyes. Also found custom sparkle temporary tattoo sticks from Europe. AWESOME!

41.) Get a working ATM card. My current card doesn’t have a working pin (it’s the company; recurring issue for over two years), and I’m getting sick of not having cash on me because the bank is too far away and then feeling like a bum when I’m in a cash-only place and have to mooch off of my friends. Yuck. :/

May 2009 - FINALLY DONE!! :D :D :D

47.) Believe in what I am, and what my accomplishments make me. Sometimes, I find it hard to think things like, “I’m a musician,” when I compose music and can play some pieces pretty well, all because I’m not as good as I’d like to be. But, that’s not fair to me and how hard I’ve worked for certain things. That would be like an Olympics medalist denying the title they’re given because they don’t think they deserve it. There is a time to be humble, certainly, but there is also a time for self-acknowledgement and rewarding the self for a job well done!

05/30/09 - The May Princess challenge was critical to this goal. I didn't really realize how bad it was.

78.) Make my work environment appear more respectful. There is too much stuff on my desk, and not enough organization.

05/30/09 - this past week, I ordered new supplies and did a complete do-over of my desk. It needs some dusting, but it is VERY organized now, and older files have been scanned in to the system and the paper shredded and recycled. It's incredible how much more space I have. Now I just need some pictures to make it feel like home. :) My maneki neko is lonely!

So, two more goals are complete. Now, I'm going to go and enjoy the weekend with my Sweetie-kins. :) I'll keep following my dreams, having faith in people who matter to me even if it has been five years and our lives are completely separate, and doing what I believe is right. I don't know how I could ever expect anything else than following my heart, after all.

Take care, everyone!

April Princess Challenge

Wow. Is it bad that when you've taken so long to get back to your blog that you have to stop to remember which site it's on? :o Clearly, I haven't been keeping up with my blog, but I have many good reasons. I didn't have anything to say other than going over my goals (I've been keeping up with them, no worries!), and I've been totally swamped with work, school, and wedding plans. With the wedding only a month and a half away now (AHHHH!) and facing the hardest part of the planning for me personally, the music and choreography (harder because it means more to me and I'm doing a lot of it myself) . . . to say that it's been stressful would be an understatement. However, with that stress has come learning about myself and understanding, and so now, before I have to go and have my music critiqued by Terinati's professional cousin tonight (GACK!), I'm going to do my April Princess Challenge! :}

Princess Skye has challenged us to: "For this month’s challenge I want you to look back in time, to your childhood memories. For many of us, being a Princess may have been a young girl’s dream and others may have been more keen on Pirates and the Great Outdoors. Still, that little girl is a part of your Inner Princess, her innocence and wonder, her dreams and imaginings. Take some time this April to get in touch with her. Dig up old photos and diaries, talk to your parents about what they remember of you as a child. If you still have them, look over your favourite toys and books. Visit old places you used to live and play. Get in touch with that younger self and what she loved, dreamed of and wished for. You may like to write about some memories or share photos of your favourite possessions or of your little self!"

Breathing deep and looking back, time was definitely slower back then. I have fond memories of the California sunshine that always seemed magical, especially when I was blowing bubbles into the silent, just barely breezy air. I liked to imagine that each one, as it glided over the top of our fence, would be a wish that soared out to the person I was destined to be with someday and make him smile. Little did I know just how far away he was! I loved to run, to explore, and the scent of trees . . . Kittens were definitely one of my favorite things, and I think I was touched by a kind of innocence that allowed me to love everything around me except injustice. That's always been my hot button, and probably will be until the day I die. :} I'm not necessarily proud of that, though it has given me courage to do what's best in situations I may not have otherwise, so in a way I don't entirely regret it.

Getting older, some of my fond childhood memories after moving involved playing "Imaginary" with Athena, talking about our dreams late at night during sleepovers, and being excited about what fantastic musicians we were! heehee. Truthfully, with the courage I had then, I may just have been a better musician than I am today. The boldness and honesty that comes with the dreams of youth have something precious that adulthood misses entirely, I think, especially when it comes to music. My younger, inner princess still gives me courage today. I remember her, where I've come from, and I know that I can accomplish my dreams once more, even when I'm really scared and nervous (or have horrible nightmares about being cast out of Terinati's family for composing horrible music :} ).

While I don't have old photos or diaries with me, I do remember my favorite photo book because of how many times I stared at it, alone in my bedroom when I was missing home, wherever it was. All of the pictures were of family, like our cat Dobie Grey and our old dog, Tippy. I tell you, they don't make animals like that anymore! Some of the affectionate, poorly written phrases are blurred with tears shed after they died. I feel sorry for my younger self, and still mourn with her from time to time.

Most important beyond these few, caring things that I think made my younger self shine, was her taste for adventure which still exists today, albeit more timidly now that I am aware of the many more ways I can end my life on this earth. :} Oh, but she was far less afraid than I! New places, even abandoned houses, rooms that seemed truly haunted . . . anything to find the truth! I had to know, I really believed that there was something more to life out there, and if I just kept looking, I would find it. That inner drive still burns in me from time to time, though I don't have the freedom to stop everything I'm doing and just run off in a new direction just to see what's there. But, that's okay. I think I've already found what I was looking for all that time. * smile *

It was this sense of adventure that turned every problem into a challenge, giving me an optimistic view of the world when things were not very uplifting around me. Getting hurt was an opportunity to learn from my mistakes, to try and do better, and to become a stronger individual, both physically and mentally. I knew it wouldn't be easy, and tears came many times, but in the end I felt stronger for what I'd been through, and thankful that I could understand others who had gone through similar experiences; many people just don't understand and never will without having gone through it themselves. However, this adventurous spirit is bittersweet, even today, because while the adventurous princess is beautiful and courageous no matter how scared inside and what she must face, many others seem like they would rather run from danger . . . It's a lonely path indeed.

In a way, I feel like my past, present, and future selves all walk hand in hand. I may not be able to learn from the future, but my past and I still intertwine, communicating and smiling in amusement at changes we promised ourselves we'd never make that ended up being for the best and things that my past self was better at because of her freedom of spirit and rebellious nature. * smirk * Punk! :} heehee. Meanwhile, I work to serve my future self in the present, thinking of what will make things easier for her to be her best for those she loves, and I wish my past self had done a little more of that, though it was on her mind frequently too.

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Now, time for a review of my 101 goals!

2.) Finish composing “We Are One” for the wedding in June so that it can be recorded in the studio.

04/05/09 - made progress, ordered software, requested back-up music assist from cousin-in-law-to-be...

04/18/09 - finished composing with a few minor errors to clean up.

04/27/09 - getting together with Terinati's cousin to work on cleaning up the background parts.

4.) Get my BA in Psychology with a high GPA (already doing well there!).

04/27/09 - received my A in Rise of Modern Science!

6.) Learn Japanese (I don’t anticipate being fluent without living in the country, but I’d like to be able to get the gist of things, especially for reading and writing!).

04/08/09 - I know 100 kanji.

8.) Get down to 115 – 120 pounds (won’t be sure until I see how it looks on me; I don’t want to get too skinny!).

04/07/09 - weighed in at 118 pounds! :D Waiting to make sure I can maintain before I call this closed.

04/27/09 - After 20 days, I haven't hit 120 again or got to 115, so I'm maintaining beautifully! This one is CLOSED!

9.) Find as much stuff to unlock in Wii Fit and My Fitness Coach as possible (I’ll warn of any spoilers when I post about this in the future, because I really don’t like having things spoiled for me).

03/10/09 - unlocked Silver Membership in My Fitness Coach! Opens the Alpine Retreat and Techno music.

03/20/09 - unlocked 60 seconds of the Plank exercise and 45 reps of the Rowing Squat in Wii Fit. :)

04/14/09 - unlocked Gold Membership in My Fitness Coach! All music unlocked except for Yoga. Unlocked Island Paradise location.

10.) Exercise regularly. I don’t like scheduling it on M, W, F or anything like that, but as long as I do it 3 or more times a week, I think that’s good. Monotony of using the same days every week makes me just plain not want to do it (one of the problems I have with My Fitness Coach).

04/08/09 - I now work out daily unless there are complications that get in the way (like being sick, for example).

04/27/09 - Can't get more regular than daily. I'm calling this one closed!

18.) Finish reading the Harry Potter books so that I can be in the loop with my friends who are Harry Potter fans.

04/15/09 - finished reading "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire" by J. K. Rowling.

24.) Don’t procrastinate with my school work! Sometimes it’s okay when I need to relax, but I know it’s ultimately better to shoot for doing my work early so that I’m giving a better, more relaxed effort.

04/08/08 - As far as I can tell, I work harder to get ahead in my work without losing my mind than anyone else I know. I never procrastinate out of sheer laziness anymore. This one, I'm calling done.

27.) Continue to work on not taking the negativity of others personally; it’s usually not even about me. Focus on being who I am and doing what I believe is right without participating in the negativity.

04/08/09 - I was able to do this in a dream I had last night. That's a HUGE step for me.

30.) Make a better system for randomly trying new dishes. Oo! Excel Spreadsheet!

04/08/09 - I've been making time to work on the spreadsheet. I've already entered about 3 1/2 cookbooks so far... many more to go...

04/26/09 - complete! 2,079 recipes all in my spreadsheet! Now, time to start cookin'!

33.) Stock makeup that I like and works for me.

04/27/09 - purchased some "green" (the colors are actually coral colors) eyeshadow and an eyeshadow brush to try out.

34.) Learn to knit, loom, or some kind of activity that involves craftiness and thread. There’s something therapeutic about doing it, and I really do want to make things like that.

04/08/09 - I went to a knitting party sometime last month... forgot to record it, but I'm still practicing now!

41.) Get a working ATM card. My current card doesn’t have a working pin (it’s the company; recurring issue for over two years), and I’m getting sick of not having cash on me because the bank is too far away and then feeling like a bum when I’m in a cash-only place and have to mooch off of my friends. Yuck. :/

04/26/09 - should be getting a letter in the mail with a new pin number. Hopefully this one will work! * crosses her fingers *

45.) Always write legibly. Sometimes I allow myself to feel rushed, and then I write a bunch of gibberish . . . which really defeats the purpose of writing. :}

04/08/09 - I'm doing well keeping up with this goal.

46.) Talk less and listen more (inspired by Princess Skye’s New Year’s resolutions for this one). Going to use some techniques I learned in my Interpersonal Communication course here! I can do it!

04/08/09 - this still takes focus for me. I find that when I get more rest, I am more able to focus. So, perhaps more sleep will aid in this goal.

50.) Get a laptop! Remote note-taking for class and good temporary storage unit for our poor, out-dated camera. This is a must for Japan!

03/12/09 - Got bonus from work and ordered a Mini 9" with Terinati! Can't wait to get it and start learning how to type on it. :) COMPLETE!

04/08/09 - I have the laptop and it works like a dream. :) I love it!

51.) Do a better job keeping in touch with people (family and friends alike).

04/08/09 - I'm getting in touch more! Yay! It's hard, but I'm putting myself out there. :)

52.) Keep my nails short. It’s a prerequisite for not stumbling on keyboards or issues with guitar playing, but I do let them get wild sometimes, just because I like their wildness. And then I cut myself on them. :} I’m too clumsy for long nails! :}

04/08/09 - still on task! I'm about ready to call this one closed, but I think I'll wait until June so that I've been consistent for half a year at least.

56.) Manage Hoshi’s experience points better (my character in L5R). I’m learning how my old techniques are leading to a jack of all trades master of none situation, and I just need to make sacrifices in some areas that aren’t as much in tune with her character and not be afraid to go with the other ones.

04/08/09 - And, off again! I ended up spending all of my experience to reach the Master level of the painting skill. Stupid, nagging ancestor from the grave...

57.) I will look up words that I don’t know so long as I have access to some sort of dictionary. I don’t anticipate remembering them all, but I’m not satisfied with using context all of the time anymore. I’ve already learned that doing a word a day doesn’t help me.

04/08/09 - I do this without even thinking now, so I'm calling it closed.

60.) Will stop and think more often rather than feeling rushed.

04/08/09 - This is still keeping me sane! In June, I think I'll call it closed unless I start having trouble again.

62.) Check this list once a week and,

04/08/09 - epic fail. Has it almost been a month? I've been stressed out and just too focused on the wedding. Why wasn't the wedding part of my goals? I have no idea. :} Anyway, I'll be good at looking at this from now on.

63.) Make a regular, non-spammy blog.

04/08/09 - Doing a weekly blog isn't working for me. Perhaps monthly, or bi-weekly, but I started dreading doing it on a weekly basis, so that means it's too close together. I don't have that much to say about my life, after all! But, I'll start doing better with this going forward.

66.) Keep up with Illuminique’s art work! She’s got some kind of style! :) I love it!! Make a website, darn it!

04/08/09 - Even though I didn't have much time to stay and hang out with her afterward, I made it to her most recent show a couple weeks back. Yay! :)

68.) I will work with Rainshine on making the mix CD!

04/08/09 - I'm sad that there hasn't been any progress here. :( If I wasn't working on the wedding, I bet it would totally be done.

70.) I will continue to give back, even if I’m no longer able to do so through TOPs for whatever reason.

04/08/09 - Terinati and I donate regularly . . . much more than I thought we did. And, we give so much on an emotional level (I don't think it's really appreciated as much as it deserves, but that's not necessarily the point of it), so I'm calling this one closed. I definitely don't feel guilty or like we don't do enough to contribute back to our world anymore.

73.) Find out what’s wrong with my right ear. No doctor’s ever find anything, but I suspect it’s something deeper, perhaps connected to my eye issue. It has constantly felt slightly clogged since I was about 9 years old, and for the first several years the doctors told me repeatedly I had an ear infection and I was on antibiotics, but the “infection” never went away. It doesn’t hurt, so I don’t know what it is. It’s just constantly uncomfortable and makes me want to pop my ears all the time, which usually just leads to further discomfort.

04/08/09 - Drinking more water lately, and my ear has been feeling better. Is it connected or coincidence? I guess only time will tell. Or a trip to the doctor. %D

80.) Try to scream less at scary parts of video games. :} I tend to get too involved with the characters, methinks.

04/08/09 - You know what? I have no idea how to stop this. I just notice more that I scream at scary parts of movies and other things that I didn't realize I screamed at before. D'oh! I've kind of come to accept that's part of who I am, because I don't have any ideas of how to make it stop. I mean, when it happens in a split second . . . the only way I could go about it desensitizing myself, and I'm really not into that. So, I'm closing this one. While not resolved in the way I intended, it still worked itself out.

81.) I will not rush myself or allow others to pressure me into rushing. I need to slow down and think things through.

04/08/09 - I haven't had any issues with this since I made the goal. If I still seem to be good, I'll call it closed in June. :)

82.) Find a bikini to wear on the honeymoon that makes me happy and doesn’t offend other people. :} I’ve never really had one (I’ve had two-piece swimsuits, but they weren’t the same), and it’s one of those things I need to do to really claim acceptance of my appearance.

04/08/09 - All I can say is... why are bikinis so gosh-darn expensive?! :} I found ones that I like, but I don't want to pay so much for them! We're POOR, darn it! How can less fabric cost more?? :p :}

83.) Fast more. It’s good for you, when done properly.

04/08/09 - I am now an alternate-day faster, and I feel great! I find that I have to make sure that I eat enough on the days that I'm eating, otherwise I feel it the next day. Other than that careful step, I feel a million times better than before I started, and I really didn't know what to expect. I refuse to fast more than that, though, so this is closed!

84.) Save more money. We still have lives to try and live and save up for after the wedding, too (that house won’t buy itself! Goal #16).

04/08/09 - ADF saves us food money, but now we need to be careful in other financial aspects of our lives. I'm keeping my eyes peeled for opportunities.

86.) Keep better records of my routine appointments so that I can be on time each year and get the preventative care I need.

04/08/09 - so far, I've been keeping my records!

88.) I will stop multi-tasking when doing something I know takes concentration because I feel the need to get as much done as possible (this includes spacing out at inappropriate times :} ).

04/08/09 - this has been good since I started it. Sometimes I need to multi-task, but it's all done within reason.

89.) Collecting things, such as thoughts, ideas, or symbols, which motivate and inspire me, reminding me of what really matters to me and who I am. I think it’s important to be myself inside and out, and that’s part of it.

04/08/09 - Well, I've added tons of suitable things to my wishlist, but . . . meh.

90.) Stop saying ignorant things out of habit like “that’s so gay” or “that’s so retarded” that I just picked up while growing up and don’t really mean that way. :p

04/08/09 - I've been really watching myself, and I only slipped up once. I really don't say these kinds of things as much as I did when I was little and different have a frame of reference for them. Perhaps my fear of saying these things was invalid. I'll keep watching until June, though.

91.) Get rid of subconscious undermining thoughts (usually dealing with my memory). I can accomplish more than I’ve trained myself to believe in the past.

04/08/09 - I find that positive reinforcement has been the best key element here thus far. I just recently started to remember more of my dreams and more conversation elements that happen around me, so I think that I am making progress.

92.) Make solid goals with Terinati to work through conflict resolution better in the future (a process that we’re constantly doing better, but I’d like to clear out really old communication problems that are still lingering).

04/08/09 - I think we're doing really awesome these days. :)

93.) Be more aware of power distribution in relationships and the perceptions of those power distributions (including my own).

04/08/09 - Since I'm not developing many new relationships, I haven't had much more opportunity to observe this. In the wedding it's weird, because I'm being granted ridiculous power as the bride, but I don't *feel* the power. I want to make folks happy and work with them, but everyone wants me to make choices because they want me to be happy. Well, aren't we all too polite?! :} I guess I just have to accept power on occasion and know that it's okay. :} (I prefer under-powered characters in my games as well . . . I wonder what that means? I smell a persona type that starts with Spiderman...)

94.) I will keep up with the real world news at least once a week.

04/08/09 - Right now, I have a hard time imagining that there was a time that I wasn't paying attention. Come June, if I'm still going strong, I think I'll call this good.

95.) Monitor my work goals with the weekly dedication I intend to give to these goals.

04/08/09 - I fell off the wagon for a while, but I'm back on it now!

96.) I will make more personal phone calls. Usually, I allow Terinati to handle this part of our affairs (it’s a good way to make sure that he approves of the decisions I make and include him in things), but I know he doesn’t like doing it all the time. So, I’m going to prove to him (and myself) that I am capable of handling phone calls with vendors to relieve stress on his part and improve my sense of security with talking to others. This probably seems minor to a lot of people, but a decade ago I was scared to talk to anyone, and even considered hiding the first time I met Terinati in person. :} To be fair to myself, though, I have no problem handling at work (most of the time).

04/08/09 - Okay, I'm still scared of making phone calls I guess! But, not as much as I used to be! I called my hair stylist and the seamstress for altering my wedding gown (needs to be hemmed a LOT...), so ha!

04/24/09 - after days of meaning to call Terinati's cousin to get music stuff scheduled, I finally did. That was scary, even though he's a nice guy! What's wrong with me?!


So, with that, there are 9 more goals accomplished and progress made on many more. :) Hooray!