The Journey - Why Do People Work So Hard for "Just One Day"?
Two and a half years ago, Terinati proposed to me and a whole series of events were put into motion when I said yes. We'd been together for over a decade, so the reaction of most people was, "It's about time." But, considering how young we are, the timing just felt right to us.
When we started looking at planning a wedding, we realized two things right away; if we tried to have it in the normal scope of time that most people do, we wouldn't have enough money to pull it off, no matter how many corners we cut, unless we just went to a courthouse. The other part was that we live in a big city with tons of people and few places that are affordable and likable for having a wedding, so we actually needed to book places right away. Two years early, and we actually had to argue to claim our ceremony and reception site and time. Can you believe it?! When we told our friends this, most of them live in a much calmer, much simpler climate, and they just didn't understand. I know they thought we were exaggerating, and it's frustrating that people don't realize that within the United States there are so many varied sub-cultures that things really are that different from place to place. Just trying to get the wedding started, I lost two people who I thought were my friends. It was kind of a shock, but in the end I realized from going over our conversations in my head that it would have happened anyway, no matter what I did. So, I'm glad it happened then, even though it hurt a lot.
Terinati and I struggled tons to get things together. We had no idea what we were doing, our families both live very far away (adding to the guilt of trying to plan a wedding where nearly everyone has to fly to us!) so that we didn't have them available to be there through things, and throughout the beginning there was a lot of me doing research and then horrifying Terinati with the gloomy prospects of the lowest amount an event would cost us. It was extremely stressful getting the ball rolling.
Why am I bringing all this up? I'm nearing the end of my journey with Terinati now! Today is my last day that I go in to work before I start my vacation, and I'm looking back at our past selves and smiling because this whole experience has completely changed us. On Sunday while we were out on a most amazing all-day errand-date, we were marveling at how much more in love and happy we are with each other every single day. At one point while we had stopped to eat, Terinati said to me, "It's insane how hard we've worked just to put together one day." And then it hit me, and this is the revelation I shared with him that I want to share in my blog now. I said, "I don't think it was really all about the wedding day itself. I think all of this has brought us all closer together."
Friends that I didn't talk to regularly I am now more in touch with than ever before. Same with family! It just got us talking more after years of being separated. You have to communicate when you're planning a wedding, and now I feel like my real friends are here supporting me and every moment we've talked about all of this together I've learned about their dreams, their wedding experiences, their lives, and they've all learned new things about me too. That alone is beautiful! For me, it's really important to have close relationships. I don't want to be that person that only talks to you once a year at Christmas, or the person you avoid because you're scared I won't understand what you're going through. This has already been one of the greatest gifts.
I've learned how to be more of the person I want to be. When I got engaged, it hit me. I wasn't the girl I dreamt of being on my wedding day. I started eating better, working out more, and I lost 30 pounds from the time we got engaged. Terinati has lost even more than that! We have a new lifestyle, and I can honestly say I've never been healthier or happier in my whole life. I also started going back to school, and it has given me back so much confidence! At times I was like, "I must be crazy, planning a wedding, working full time, and going to school too!" but if I hadn't, I wouldn't be as happy with myself as I am today. I feel really proud of my accomplishments and the hard work that went into them. Finally, Illuminique has practically provided me with a new wardrobe, Anna has shown me where to go to be feminine and chill out, and finding the Princess Portal / The Lost Princess was a magical part of the process that linked me back into a deeper, more beautiful part of myself. Oh, and I can't leave out Kyriel, allowing my younger past self to come out again. And Athena, reminding me of music! Amanda and her exciting family!! Temple taking me to New York and getting me studio time!! Did I mention how much I love my friends? I'm sorry if I left someone out! You're all great, I promise! :) Even my co-workers have really brightened up my life and been really supportive with the wedding. =^--^=
Going through all of the planning, figuring ourselves out, and the financial planning and coordination . . . it's all brought us closer together and forced us to grow. The wedding isn't just one day; it's a journey, and I'm glad that I didn't miss it! I think if it were any other way, it'd be really depressing. :} I mean, it's going to be great to dress up with my girlfriends and be reunited with so many people I care about, but for me this definitely goes beyond the day. These are treasures I will have for my whole life, and I know that even after we get back from Japan, the adventure that Terinati and I are sharing right now is going to continue on in a new form. * smile * It's been a huge trust-building experience, probably the first one that Terinati and I went through as a couple as most of our personal goals have been separate in the past.
My advice to anyone else who is getting married soon: Don't miss the journey! Stop, even if just for a moment, and think about all of the things going through the process does for you. I know everyone's wedding is unique (humans are too complex for them not to be!), but I think it's impossible to not sit back and evaluate where you are in life and where you are going when such an event is approaching.
And, on that note, I must hurry off and get ready for work. =^--^= I think I'll be blogging more regularly now as the day approaches, though the blogs will probably be shorter than this one. I just woke up feeling like I had to say this all today. :)
Alright! Off I go!