After my previous post, I had a lot of energy to really give everything my best! Last week, I worked out harder than I have in the past, practiced more piano, started really cracking down on my favorite piece, and even wrote up a list of songs I've worked on over the years and realized I have enough to make a CD!
On Tuesday, I felt a little dizzy, and kind of queasy. A lot, actually. But, I usually get sick when I start a new workout routine, so I told myself, "No! Just push through it!" Sadly, my symptoms got worse, until Friday when after a lot of blood and unbearable pain, I actually begged my husband to drag me away to the urgent care near to us, since it was the only place we could get an appointment right away (despite the hefty cost; ouch, crappy health insurance!) and it was almost immediately diagnosed as an ear infection, which I had also figured out by that point. I was prescribed antibiotics, and I went home somewhat relieved that, as the doctor said, "Your ear drum might pop, but it's okay because it will heal." =^00^= What a thing to say to someone who has just committed themselves more than ever to their music! AHHHHH!
It was my intention, at first, to push through the illness, but I couldn't hear. I kept falling over or feeling like I would throw up. For the first time ever, I had to miss belly dance class for a reason other than work! And, I was so worried that I wouldn't get my hearing back (and, more importantly, for things I heard to be back in tune and non-robotic) that I convinced myself that resting was the best thing. I still think that it was. I mean, even playing the piano physically hurt.
I still didn't want to lose time to make progress, though. I couldn't think to work on or upload stories, and I couldn't really practice music since it was literally painful, and making art . . . that takes a lot of focus for me. So, in my downtime, I decided to Google "aspiring songwriters" and see if I could find a guild to join like the cool Piano Technician's Guild or advice on how to proceed since I have a significant disadvantage at not being able to afford instruction (I need to save up $1400 just to get a computer that can record my songs on it) and am doing all of my work on my own at this point.
Well, you know how there's those people who really shouldn't research diseases online because they're paranoid and will assume that they have everything? That's basically me when it comes to music, apparently. Reading about the hundreds of types of copyrights and enforcers, various "constructive criticism guilds" that want lots of money to tell you things like "lyrics have to rhyme to be good" (NO! Some lyrics don't even need to make sense to be good!), and seeing the horribly done websites for the groups that do exist out here (I'm not a great web designer myself, but I do have standards) was enough to make me feel like I was spiraling out of control. I started worrying that I can't do this alone, that maybe I'm even worse than I think that I am, or that I won't be able to handle the business end of my affairs if I do manage to make some money sharing what I love. Why does the song writing community suck so bad? Am I looking in the wrong place?
Honestly, I don't have the talent, knowledge, or equipment to make fantastic videos. And, I don't have the technical know-how of some musicians, furthermore handicapped by the lack of equipment at this point in time (although, I have what I need to compose the songs, so it's only a matter of time and practice... I will be READY when the computer arrives!). Then I reminded myself that the Beatles couldn't even read music and touched us the way that they did. "I can do this. Calm down." :}
Thankfully, everything is sounding more and more normal every day, and going through that insanity early on was better than doing it later, which surely would have generated more panic. :} And, I did manage to get some things done!
First, I've updated the blog surroundings to be more useful and generate revenue. The comments are now also open (EEK) so that more people can post comments without my having to mediate each one before it shows up. Admittedly, I just wanted to avoid negative posts that lacked anything constructive altogether, but this was keeping people from posting most anything. I actually do want advice and thoughts from people, though I'm not sure how much I can keep up with it working full time and trying to take care of a crazy house and working on this stuff, but I will do my best.
I also updated my YouTube account in the hopes that I'll be able to make some videos in the future. I updated Patreon so that you can now be a patron for my work and get rewards for it! Yay! To learn more about how it works, watch the cool video below.
Also, I set up my Blurb account; that will most likely be the first thing to get hits, since uploading my stories that I've already written will be relatively easier. You can support my stories at my Patreon site too! :)
Higher registers still sound slightly out of tune in my hearing, and my cat Tatsu still sounds like a robot, but I'm making progress and am going to get back on the ball soon. More to come!! :) Even a crazy ear infection and scary things on the internet will not stop me! XD
GO GO GO! I know you can do it. I love reading your blog. Makes me want to maybe try one out. Although, I don't think mine will be as constructive as yours! Looking forward to the next blog! Glad you are feeling better!
ReplyDelete